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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny valentine rhymes and other funny jokes |
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Book title Joke
The Spicy Sausage by Delia Katessen
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Dirty Joke
An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy something. 'Well, my wife ain't home, she's gone down to the creek to wash clothes, but lemma see what you got, ' said the man. The peddler showed him pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn't interested. Then the man spotted a mirror and said, 'What's that?' Before the peddler could tell him it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, 'My God how'd you get a picture of my Pappy?' The old man was so happy, he traded his wife's best pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale. The old man was worried that the wife would be mad at him for trading her best pitcher, so he hid it in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out to the barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the 'picture' and eventually the wife got suspicious. One day she got fed up and after he retired for the night, she went out to the barn. She saw the mirror behind the boxes, picked it up and said, 'so this is the hussy he's been foolin' around with!'
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Animal World
An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water. 'That way, ' he said, 'You get an extra day out of them between drinks. 'As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls. The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water. 'Doesn't that hurt?' asked a tourist. 'Nah, ' replied the bloke. 'Only if you get your fingers caught!'
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Bar Joke - 1
A string walks into a bar and ask the waiter for a beer. The waiter says, 'I am sorry but we can't serve strings here. 'The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and messes up his hair. He goes back to the bar about an hour later, sits down and says, 'Waiter, give me a beer. ' The waiter says, 'Hey aren't you the string who came in here earlier. 'The string replies, 'No, I'm a fraid knot. '
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Birthday Joke
Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!
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Cow Joke
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
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Joke for Dummies
Two men are sitting next to each other in an Irish-style pub in New York City. They both order pints of Guinness. One of them turns to the other and says 'So where are you from, then?' 'I'm from Ireland. ' 'Me too! I'll drink to that. ' They both finish their pints and order two more. 'Where in Ireland are you from?' 'Dublin. ' 'Me too! I'll drink to that. ' They both finish their pints and order two more. 'Where in Dublin are you from?' 'The East Side. ' 'The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!' They both finish their pints and order two more. 'Where on the East Side are you from?' 'McDonagh Street. ' 'Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that. ' As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, 'That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?' 'Oh, it's nothing amazing, ' says the bartender, 'it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again. '
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Medical Joke
Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. 'It's terrible, ' she said, 'I haven't moved my bowels in a week. ' 'I see. Have you done anything about it?' asked the doctor. 'Naturally, ' she replied, 'I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at night. ' 'No, ' the doctor said, 'I mean do you take anything?''Naturally, ' she answered, 'I take a book. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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