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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny valentine messages and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
These are real comments made by teachers on their student report cards.
1. Since my last report, your child has hit rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4. Your child is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead
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Naughty Joke
Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now. Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.
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Kids Joke
Two kindergarten girls were talking outside: one said, 'You won't believe what I saw on the patio yesterday--a condom!'The second girl asked, 'What's a patio?'
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Joke for Halloween
Why do Walruses go to Tupperware parties?To find a tight Seal.
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Joke for Halloween
A man returns from a trip to Amsterdam and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series of tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone by his bed rings. 'This is your doctor, ' says the voice on the phone. 'We have the results back from your tests, and I'm sorry, you have an extremely contagious and deadly sexually transmitted disease known as G. A. S. H. 'G. A. S. H?' replies the patient. 'What the hell is that?''It's a combination of gonorrhea, AIDS, syphilis, and herpes, ' explains the doctor. 'My gosh, Doc!' screams the man in a panic, 'what are we going to do?''Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread, ' says the doctor matter-of-factly. 'Will that cure me?''Well no, ' says the doctor, 'but it's the only food that will fit under the door. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bolivia ! Boliva who ? Boliva me, I know what I'm talking about !
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Burger Joke
How do we know burgers love young people? They're pro-teen!
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Dumb People Joke
Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some these sayings:'I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind. ''I must admit, you brought religion into my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you. ''Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:What the heck was I thinking?''If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister. ''As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy. . . ''Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!''Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!''Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again. ''Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine. ''When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise. ''The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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