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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny usb sticks and other funny jokes |
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Easter Joke
How is the Easter Bunny like Shaquille O'Neal? They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
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Bumper Stickers - 6
My boss is like a diaper, full of shit and always on my ass!
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Biologist Joke
A logger is driving down the highway and sees two botanists trying to measure the height of a small pine tree. Their tape measure is not long enough so one botanist stands on the shoulders of the other and attempts to extend the tape to the tree top but it is not long enough. While trying, he falls to the ground. They attempt this about five times and each time the top botanist falls. The logger is laughing but feels sorry for the pair, gets out of his truck, takes out an electric saw and cuts down the tree. The botanists are looking at him like he is crazy. He then takes a tape measure and measures the tree. 'OK guys, the tree is 14' 6. ' He then gets in his truck and drives away. The two botanists are stunned and speechless. Finally one says to the other , 'How do you like that, we are trying to measure the height of the tree and that stupid jerk measures the width. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Buy American!
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Bizarre Joke
A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS372. 01 - Any person with a valid California state rodent or deer hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes. 372. 02 - Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited. 372. 03 - The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash. 372. 04 - It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft. 372. 05 - It is unlawful to shout 'Whiplash!', 'Ambulance!', or 'Free Scotch!' for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 372. 06 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of BMW, Porsche, or Mercedes dealerships, except on Wednesday afternoons. 372. 07 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs or hospitals. No fair, that's their stompin' grounds!372. 08 - If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess same. 372. 09 - It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise as a reporter, accident victim, physician, chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys. 372. 10 - Bag Limits Per Day Yellow Bellied Sidewinders2 - Two-faced Tortfeasors1 - Back-stabbing Divorce Litigators3 - Horn Rimmed Cut-throats2 - Honest Attorneys (ENDANGERED SPECIES)
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Witch Joke
Q: How do you picture yourself flying on a broom? A: By witchful thinking.
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Cat Joke
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, 'Whatcha doing, Tim?' 'My goldfish died, ' replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. 'And I've just buried him. ' The neighbor was concerned. 'That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?' Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, 'That's because he's inside your cat. '
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Computer Joke
Microsoft announced that it is selling advertising space in the error messages that appear in Windows. Acknowledging for the first time that the average user of their operating system encounters error messages at least several times a day, Microsoft is trying to take financial advantage of the unavoidable opportunity to make an ad impression. 'We estimate that throughout the world at any given moment several million people are getting a 'general protection fault' or 'illegal operation' warning. We will be able to generate significant revenue by including a short advertising message along with it, ' said Microsoft marketing director Nathan Mirror. The Justice Department immediately indicated that they intend to investigate whether Microsoft is gaining an unfair advantage in reaching the public with this advertising by virtue of its semi-monopolistic control over error messages.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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