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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny txt jokes and other funny jokes |
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Cannibal Joke
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Friends help you move; real friends help you move the body.
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Bird Joke
What do you call a very rude bird ? A mockingbird !
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Best Joke Online
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed totake one item with them to help them occupy their time whileincarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, 'So, what did youbring?'The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that heintended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the'Grandma Moses of Jail'. Then he asked the first, 'What did you bring?'The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, 'I broughtcards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games. 'The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, 'Why are you so smug? What didyou bring?'The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, 'I broughtthese!'The other two were puzzled and asked, 'What on earth can you do withthose?'He grinned and pointed to the box and said, 'Well according to thebox. . I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating. . . . '
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Dog Joke - 2
What wears a black, white, and tan coat but has no hair? A bald beagle!
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Situation Joke
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bearwalked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of runningshoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bearslowly approached them. The second man looked at the first, confused, and said, 'What are you doing? Running shoes aren'tgoing to help, you can't outrun that bear. ' 'I don't need to, ' saidthe first man, 'I just need to outrun you. '
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Joke for Holidays
A few weeks before Christmas a very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made 'Tickle Me Elmo' dolls. It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes. On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part, but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls. The boss could not control his laughter and said, 'Lady, I said to give each doll Two ---- 'Test' ---- Tickles.
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Worst Joke
Candy Bar LifeIt was just another day and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue. I whipped out my Million Dollar Bar and whispered 'Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like Crunch on My Big Hunk' she replied 'Oh Henry, what a Whopper. 'Well she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll and it was pure Almond Joy. I couldn't resist her Charms and reached out and grabbed her Mounds, it was easy to see this little Twix had the Red Hots for me. It was all I could do to hold the Snickers and Crackle as my Butterfinger slipped into her tight little Kit Kat as she screamed 'Oh Henry, Oh Henry' soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and Zagnut's. It wasn't long before I blew my Milk Duds to Mars, which gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked about M&M , but I said 'Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff you little Reese's pieces. Don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you grab my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey'(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed 'Oh you Cracker Jack, better than the Three Muskteers' as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty when all of a sudden. . . my Starburst! Yeah as luck would have it she started to get Chunky, complained of a Wrigley in her stomach and nine months later out popped 'BABY RUTH. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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