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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny tee shirts uk and other funny jokes |
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Office Humor
He said. . . I don't know why you wear a bra you've got nothing to put in it. She said. . . You wear briefs, don't you? He said. . . Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said. . . Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money. He said. . . Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said. . . Well, you have succeeded. He said. . . You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man? She said. . . No, have you? He said. . . Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains? She said. . . Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind. He said. . . Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said. . . Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
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Various animal Joke
What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time!
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Short Stupid Joke
A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die and go to heaven. When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who then says, 'Sorry, heaven's crowding up, so you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in. 'He looks at the teacher, and asks her: 'What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?''Oh, that's easy, ' the teacher replied, 'the Titanic. ' So St. Peter let her into heaven. Next he turned to the petty thief. 'How many people died on that ship?' St. Peter asked. 'Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and it was '1
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Cat Joke
Q: Why do cats like to hear other cats make noise? - A: It's meow-sic to their ears!
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Spiked Humor
Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they'll be a mile away -- and barefoot. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. A closed mouth gathers no feet. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. Eat well - stay fit - die anyway. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
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Joke for Speeches
What do you find up a clean nose? Fingerprints
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Love and Marriage Joke
'I bet you don't know what day this is', said the wife toher husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was always a quick thinker:'Of course I do, my dear. How could I forget!?' With that, he turned and rushed to catch the bus for work. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened thedoor, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmedred roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favoritechocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designerdress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. The husband was smug when he returned from work, satisfiedthat he had recovered what could have been a very badsituation. His wife was indeed surprised: 'First the flowers, then thechocolates and then the dress!' she exclaimed, 'I've neverhad a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!'
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Strange Humor
What's the simiarity between Clinton and a carpenter?One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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