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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny tax disc holders and other funny jokes |
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Simple Joke
Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, 'F. F. ' His wife turned to him and answered, 'E. F. ' Out on the highway, he said, 'F. F. ' She responded simply, 'E. F. ' He repeated, 'F. F. ' She again replied, 'E. F. ' 'Mom! Dad!' their son yelled. 'What's going on?' Bad Bernie answered, 'Your mother wants to eat first!'
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Old Age Joke
Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was traveling along an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked what was wrong.
The woman replied, 'There's a man trying to molest me!'
The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, 'You must have scared off the man when you screamed. '
The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again, screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled over and headed to the back of the bus. 'What's wrong now?' asked the driver.
The woman replied, 'That man trying to molest me, he's under my seat!'
The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an old bald guy. The driver said to the man, 'Sir, this woman claims that you were trying to molest her. '
The man replies, 'No, no, no! I'm just looking for my toupee -- I thought I had it twice but it got away both times!'
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Protected by . Magnum days a week. You guess which
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Book title Joke
Making Snacks by San Widge
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Fishing Joke
Two parrots are sitting on a perch. The first one says to the other 'can you smell fish?'.
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Funny School Kids Joke
What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose?I'm not sure, but I wouldn't try smelling it!
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Lawyer Joke
Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers? New Jersey had first choice.
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Friendship Joke
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other. ' He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along. ' So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, 'That was incredible!' He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along. ' So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?' 'No. ' she said, 'I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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