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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny t shirts for sale and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
It was a few days before Christmas. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood. (Almost a scrooge) Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointer parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant, 'Even if we were married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe. ' 'Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is. ' 'Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss. ' 'That's not why it's there. ' 'Ok, I give up. Why is it there?' 'It's there so you can kiss your luggage good-bye. '
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Top 100 Joke
Jane was a first time contestant on the $'65
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Dumb Joke
Microsoft's ad slogan for Windows 95 was 'Where do you want to go today?'Now that Windows 98 is out, Microsoft have disclosed the alternatives that were considered when Windows 95 was released :1. Windows: The colorful clown suit for DOS. 2. Double your drive space: Delete Windows!3. Windows and DOS: A turtle and its shell. 4. Microsoft gives you Windows - OS/2 gives you the whole house. 5. A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle. 6. Bang on the left side of your computer to restart Windows. 7. Error #152 - Windows not found: (C)heer (P)arty (D)ance. 8. I still miss Windows, but my aim is getting better. 9. I'll never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying. 10. My lastest screen-saver: Curtains for Windows. 11. OS/2 . . . Opens up Windows, shuts up Gates. 12. Out of disk space. Delete Windows? [Y]es [H]ell Yes!13. Windows3. 1: The best $89 solitaire game you can buy. 14. Windows NT: Insert wallet into Drive A: and press any key to empty. 15. How do you want to crash today?
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Miscellaneous Joke
Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can't get out !Who gives my cat his Christmas presents? Santa Paws!Who gives my other cat his Christmas presents? Santa Claws!What did the hat say to the scarf? You hang around while i go ahead!Whats the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!What did mary say to santa during the storm? Look at that rain, dear!Where do plumbers buy there presents? Bath!Why is it best to park your car near the moon? Because there is a lot of space!What is the use of reindeer? It makes the garden grow sweetie!How many legs does rudolph have? Four? No, six. - he's got forelegs and two back legs!What game do six reindeer play in the back of a mini? Squash!Why did the reindeer take his nose apart? To see what made it run!What do you call a reindeer that has a number on its tail? Reg!Did you hear the story of the 3 reindeer? No. Oh deer, Oh deer, Oh deerWhy do reindeers have wrinkled ankles? Because they lace there boot too tight!What did santa give the death fisherman for christmas? A herring aid!Whats the worst thing to get for christmas? Measles!Where is the best place to buy your dog a christmas present? Leeds!Where does noddy do his christmas shopping? Redcar!Where does the queen do her christmas shopping? Newcastle!What happens if you get too hot at a football match? Sit a bit closer to one of the fans.
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Job and Office Joke
Baxter ConnersVice PresidentCompany 203203 Wall St. New York, NY 10015Dear Mr. Conners, Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then. Sincerely, Archive of funny t shirts for sale and other funny jokesArchive of funny t shirts for sale and other funny jokes
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8:One of the passengers in a Soviet spacecraft is fooling around with the equipment, and his monkeyshines may end the flight prematurely. The passenger is in fact a monkey named Yarosha -- Russian slang for village troublemaker. Evidently bored on the fifth day of a scheduled 12-day flight, Yarosha slipped out of his harness and took a tour of the spacecraft. Tass, the Soviet news agency, reported that Yarosha was having a delightful time tampering with all of the equipment within reach. Watch out, Yarosha; if you break something, they'll probably dock your flight pay.
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Bath Joke
When a dirty kid has finished taking a bath, what is still dirty? The bathtub.
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Police Joke
A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, 'Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?' The officer replied, 'Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there. ' She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, 'Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?' The blonde replied, 'Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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