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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny sweatshirts and other funny jokes |
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Doctor Joke
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, 'Congratulations sir, youre the new father of twins!'The man replied, 'How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company. ' The man then followed the woman to his wifes room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smiths wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, 'Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company. 'The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, 'I think I need a breath of fresh air. ' The man continued, 'I work for 7-UP. '
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Elephant Joke
What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo ? Big holes all over Australia !
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Relationships Joke
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, 'Would you like to dance?'The girl says, 'I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you. 'The guy says, 'I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants. '
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Men Joke
Q: Did you hear about the new 'morning after' pill for men?A: It changes their blood type.
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Military Joke
A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books. Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and through the front door. 'Oh darling' he gushed, 'Come here. Let me look at you. Let me hold you! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much. ' The wife, keeping her distance, said, 'All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica. '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
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Village Idiot Joke
WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A PENISSome folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it. It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time. Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do. It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late. If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses. It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble. It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself 'Why on earth did I do that?'It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
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Situations Humor
A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspectit. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Veryembarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticedher little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up at thatmoment. As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman. 'Good day, how may we help you today?' Very uncomfortably, she asks, 'Sir, how much does this rug cost?'He answers, 'Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit inyour pants when you hear what the price is. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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