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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny stunt videos and other funny jokes |
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Germany.
Germany, who?
Germany people knock your door rather than ring the bell.
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History Joke
What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? They were all born on holidays.
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Military Joke
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men. The ship steamed out of the channel and soon the port was far behind. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was a buzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, 'My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules. Make sure the Captain is aboard before getting under way!'
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Funny College Joke
Soderling, the star college halfback, was taking a math exam. The coach desperately needed him to play in the Syracuse game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him an oral exam. 'All right, ' said the prof. 'How many degrees are there in a circle?' 'Uh, depends, ' said the boy. 'How big is that there circle?'
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Easy to Remember Joke
I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together. Can I borrow that quarter, 'cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in loveWhat's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me. Are your legs tired? 'cause you been running through my mind ALL day long. Are you lost? 'cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven. Is your father a thief? 'cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says 'yes')Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again?What's that in your eye? Oh. . . it's a sparkle. If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven. Do you like raisins? How about a date?So. . . How am I doin'?I miss my teddy bear. . . Would you sleep with me?You look great and all, but do you know what'd really look good on you? Me. Could I get some directions? ('To where?') To your heart. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?Look at you, with all those curves, and me with no brakes. Can I flirt with you?Hi, my name's _____, but you can call me 'lover'. (another quarter line). Could I borrow a quarter? 'cause I just want to call your mother and thank her. (lick your finger and then touch her shirt). Here, let me help you out of those wet clothes. What do you like for breakfast?Say, did we go to different schools together?Hi, my name is _____, how do you like me so far?(At the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Can I help?Woman asks, 'Excuse me, do you have the time?' You : 'Do you have the energy?'You look like the type of girl that's heard every line in the book. So what's one more?Hi, I make more money than you can spend. I'm new in town. . . could you give me directions to your apartment?I think you're the most beautiful girl I've seen. . . on a WednesdayI know this is going to sound like a line, but did that sound like a line? Are you disappointed?I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk. Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes. Are you religious? Good, cause I'm here to answer your prayers. Did it hurt? (Did what hurt) When you fell out of heaven. Inheriting 80 million doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart. I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?If your parents hadn't met, I'd be a very unhappy man right now. Do you drink milk? It sure did your body good.
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Women Joke
A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading 'Wife Wanted. ' - The next day he received a hundred letters saying 'You can have mine. '
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Bible Joke
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats. Finally, the banker said, 'Preacher, why did you ask us to come?' The old preacher mustere d up his strength and then said weakly, 'Jesus died between two thieves, and That's how I want to go. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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