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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny stationary and other funny jokes |
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Dirty Joke
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Don't judge a book by its movie.
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Burger Joke
What famous movie did the hamburger meat think of when they took it out of the freezer? They Fry Who Cam in from the Cold!
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Cow Joke
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef
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Bird Joke
What do owls sing when it is raining ? 'Too wet to woo' !
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Dog Joke - 2
Why did the dog run in circles? He was a watchdog and needed winding.
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Mixed Joke
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused. Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job. Active socially: Drinks heavily. Alert to company developments: An office gossip. Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job. Average: Not too bright. Bridge builder: Likes to compromise. Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law. Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own. Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. Conscientious and careful: Scared. Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless. Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying. Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well. Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice. Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear. Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well. Enjoys job: Needs more to do. Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone. Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee. Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date. Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together. Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward. Happy: Paid too much. Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way. Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot. Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors. Internationally know: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas. Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept. Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work. Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no-one else. Judgement is usually sound: Lucky. Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes. Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer. Listens well: Has no ideas of his own. Maintains a high degree of participation: Comes to work on time. Maintains professional attitude: A snob. Meticulous in attention to detail: A nitpicker. Mover and shaker: Favors steamroller tactics without regard for other opinions. Not a desk person: Did not go to college. Of great value to the organization: Turns in work on time. Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use. Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors. Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment: Lazy and hard-headed. Should go far: Please. Slightly below average: Stupid. Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life. Stern disciplinarian: A real jerk. Straightforward: Blunt and insensitive. Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn. Tactful in dealing with superiors: Knows when to keep mouth shut. Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors. Takes pride in work: Conceited. Unlimited potential: Will stick with us until retirement. Uses resources well: Delegates everything. Uses time effectively: Clock watcher. Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work. Visionary: Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week. Well organized: Does too much busywork. Will go far: Relative of management. Willing to take calculated risks: Doesn't mind spending someone else's money. Zealous attitude: Opinionated.
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Spiked Humor
A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: 'No way. I don't think you can pay for it. 'The guy says, 'You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?'The bartender says, 'Only if what you show me ain't risque. ''Deal!' says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good. The bartender says, 'You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano. ' The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. 'Money or another miracle else no drink', says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says 'It's a deal. ' He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. The bartender says to the guy 'Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy. ''Not so', says the guy. 'The hamster is also a ventriloquist. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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