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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny sports accidents and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
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Funniest Joke
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?A: Not everyone has been in a747.
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Pig Joke
What kind of pig do sows dislike? Male Chauvinist Pigs.
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Car and train Joke
Why did the man put his car in the oven? Because he wanted a hot rod.
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Best Joke
A sad-faced Doug walked into a flower shop early one morning. The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Doug's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Doug asked for a basket of flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary. 'And what day will that be?' the clerk asked. Glumly he replied, 'Yesterday'.
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Joke of the Day
Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer's office one Monday morning. 'I want you to begin divorce proceedings, ' she announced. The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said, 'Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?'Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye. She cleared her throat and said, 'We wanted to wait until all the children were dead. '
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Simple Joke
Two Polish guys were taking their first trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas, which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, 'I wouldn't eat that if I were you. ''Why not?' 'I took one bite and went blind for half a minute!'--------------------- There were three guys walking together, a Newfie, a Quebecer , and a Vancouver guy. They came across a lantern and a genie popped out. 'I will give you each one wish; that's three wishes in total!' The Newfie said, 'I am a fisherman, my dad's a fisherman, and his dad was a fisherman, and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish'. Poof! The oceans were full of fish. The Quebecer was amazed! He said, 'I want a wall around Quebec, so nothing will get in!' Poof! There was a wall around Quebec. The Vancouver guy said, 'Tell me more about this wall. ' The genie said, 'Well it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out. 'So, the Vancouver guy said, 'Fill it up with water!'--------------------- Did You hear about the Redneck who. . . Spent four days in Sears looking for a miscarriage. Took his expectant wife for the grocery store because they had free delivery. Took a roll of toilet paper to a crap game. Put iodine on his pay check because he got a cut in pay. Was so lazy, he married a pregnant woman. Was feeling so low, he got his face slapped. Lost his girlfriend because he couldn't remember where he laid her. Thought asphalt was rectal trouble. Thought his typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period. Bought a union suit because his wife was having labor pains. Thought Peter Pan was something to put under the bed. Thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean shot glass. Smelled good only on the right side, he didn't know where to buy Left Guard. Studied for five days to take a urine test. Thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease. Went to the outhouse, put one leg in each hole, then crapped his pants. --------------------- Proof Positive that Jesus was Jewish:1. His Bar Mitzvah was catered. 2. He lived at home until he was30. 3. He swore his mother was a virgin. 4. And his Mother thought he was God. --------------------- Q: Why do Italians not like Jehovah Witness'? A: They don't like ANY Witnesses!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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