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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny spiderman games and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean. ' The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. 'Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency, and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane, and all the swimmers are on the right side. ' After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later, the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement, 'Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open you r emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane. . . 'Thank You For Flying Lufthansa. '
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Clean Humor
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: 'Fun fun fun worryworry worry'A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
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Computing Joke
Picard 'Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?'Geordi 'Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology. 'Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. Riker looks puzzled. 'What in the world is 'Microsoft'?'Data turns to answer. 'Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows
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Military Joke
A soldier keeps a mug upside down and tells the sergeant: - I can't drink from this mug. It has no opening. The sergeant examines the mug and says: - You are right. And besides this, it has no bottom.
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Love and Marriage Joke
Jill tells her husband, 'Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?''Gosh, ' Jack says, 'why I hardly know the girl. '
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
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Ethnical Joke
An American tourist in Moscow found himself needing to get rid of a large supply of garbage from his recent stay at an apartment. After a long search, he just couldn't find any place to discard of it. So, he just went down one of the side streets to dump it there. Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer, who said, 'Hey you, what are you doing?''I have to throw this away, ' replied the tourist. 'You can't throw it away here. Look, follow me, ' the policeman offered. The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. 'Here, ' said the cop, 'dump all the garbage you want. 'The American shrugs, opens up the large bags of garbage, and dumps them right on the flowers. 'Thanks for giving me a place to dump this stuff. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?' asked the tourist. 'No. This is the American Embassy. '
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Worlds Best Joke
There were three men. Joe, Rich, and Scott. They were all camping in the woods, and they knew they had to stop forthenight. Joe suggested they stop where they were right there, a niceclear, wooded area. Rich agreed, but Scott disagreed, because there was nothinginteresting around, only trees. They kept hiking for a little longer, and came across a small clear area, right next to the highway. Both Joe and Rich wanted to saty there becausethere was no stumps, or moss around, and the sounds of the cars couldhelpto put them asleep. Scott said no, because he found a small ant farm 500meters away, and was scared the ants might come, and get them. SO they kept hiking, and finally, they came to the end of the woods, andstepped onto the highway. Scott was mystified, and wanted to sleep rightsmack dab in the middle of the highway. It was interesting, and he wantedto look at all the different liscence plates, as they drove by. Joe andRich were so upset, because, obviously, that was the LAST place that theywanted to sleep in! But, they were too tired to argue, so they set uptheir tent in the middle of the highway and went to sleep. They slept soundly through the night, but were awaked a couple of timesbythe sound of cars beeping, and crashing. The next morning, they awokeearly, and noticed a huge pileup of cars right off the highway, in thespot they had earlier chosen. Feeling proud, Scott said:'See, guys? Imagine what would of happened if we slept there last night!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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