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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny soothers and other funny jokes |
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Top 100 Joke
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?Guilt gifts are nicer.
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Sport Joke
Apparently, Harry Redknapp offered to send the West Ham squad on an expenses paid holiday to Florida but they said they'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.
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Old Age Joke
Three old men are talking about their aches, pains and bodily functions.
One seventy year old man says, 'I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee. '
An eighty year old man says, 'My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement. '
The ninety year old man says, 'At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow. ' 'So what's your problem?' asked the others.
'I don't wake up until nine. '
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Funny College Joke
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?' At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, 'Er. . . How much for a season pass?'
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Joke Online
A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood, so for public safety, he was committed. He was put in a room with another crazy and immediately began his routine, 'I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!'The other guy looks at him and declares, 'I did not!'
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup ! Don't worry sir I'll fish him out and exchange it for a bean !
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Aviation Joke
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses. At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: 'You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!'
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I used up all my sick days so I called in dead!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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