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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny socks and other funny jokes |
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Blonde Joke - 1
A German woman is walking down the street. Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her. She screams, ''Nein! Nein!'' So two guys walk away.
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Blonde Joke - 2
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park. Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, 'Oh, look, a dead birdie!' The blonde looked up and said, 'Where?'
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Joke of the Day
Because I'm a Guy. . . . . . I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. . . . when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start. ' We will then drink beer. . . . when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue. . . . I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk, or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'Cumin' or 'Tofu. ' For all I know these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which 'feminine hygiene product' is a euphemism. . . . when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. . . . I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger-how the heck could HE know where we're going?. . . there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex or football, though I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't. . . . I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's day is ok, I don't need to see it. Did you remember to pick up something for my mom, too?. . . I am capable of announcing, 'one more beer and I really have to go, ' and mean it every single time I say it, even when it gets to the point that the one bar closes and my buddies and I have to go hunt down another. I will find it increasingly hilarious to have my pals call you to tell you I'll be home soon, and no, I don't understand why you threw all my clothes into the front yard. What's the connection?. . . you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. . . . I have to turn up the radio when Bruce Springsteen or The Doors comes on, and then, yes, I have to tell you every single time about how Bruce had his picture on the cover of Time and Newsweek the same day, or how Jim Morrison is buried in Paris and everyone visits his grave. Please do not behave as if you do not find this fascinating. . . . I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?. . . and this is, after all, the 90's, I will share equally in the housework. You do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
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Sad Joke
You know you're out of college when. . . 1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. 4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 5. You have to pay your own credit card bill. 6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. 7. You haven't seen a soap opera in over a year. 8. 8:00 am is not early. 9. You have to file your own taxes. 10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. 11. You're not carded anymore. 12. You carry an umbrella. 13. You learn that bachelor is a nice term for 'jackass'. 14. 'Extended childhood' only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15 . 'Twenty-something' means over-qualified, under-paid and not married. 16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up. 17. You start watching the weather channel. 18. Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe. 19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack. 20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 21. You stop confusing 401k plan with 10K run. 22. You go to parties that police don't raid. 23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you. . . and they're no longer 'adults' - they are your peers. 24. You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore. 25. Your car insurance goes down. 26. You refer to college students as kids. 27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon and rum. 28. Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren. 29. You feed your dog science diet instead of taco bell. 30. Your idea of a rocking Friday night is scoring one of the new releases at Blockbuster. 31. Half your conversations with current college students start with, 'When I was in college. . . '
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Christmas Joke - 2
Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ? Santa Paws !
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Easy to Remember Joke
A man joins the crew of a ship. After a few days he gets restless and asks 'What does one do about sex around here?'The others direct him to a large gun barrel with a hole in it. At first he does not like the idea much but, when he tries it, he finds it surprisingly enjoyable. He has another go the next day, and again the day after. Then he asks, 'Can I do this every day?'. 'Yes, every day, except Wednesdays'. 'Why not on Wednesdays?''Wednesdays is YOUR turn inside the barrel!'
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Bumper Stickers - 5
If your gonna be a turd then go lie out in the yard.
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Fishing Joke
Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were having a great day catching fish. The first blonde said 'This is such a great spot, we need to mark it so we can come back. ' The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat. The first blonde asked 'What are you doing?' The second blonde replied 'Marking the spot. ' 'Don't be stupid' the first blonde said. 'What if we don't get the same boat next time?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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