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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny smiley faces and other funny jokes |
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Sunday, November '29
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Aviation Joke
All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions. One guy asked, 'If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?'Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, 'The rest of your life. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
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Dumb People Joke
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joes first time ever hunting, so he was following Bobs lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet! After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said 'There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed. ' 'So then what did make you scream, ' Bob asked, exasperated. 'Well, ' Joe continued, 'two squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, 'Should we take them home or eat em now?''
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Instrument Joke
Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post?A: A goal post that can't march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb?A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?A: A goalpost that can't march. Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn?A: Put your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes. Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?A: 'Hi. I did that piece in junior high. 'Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: How do you get your viola section to sound like the horn section?A: Have them miss every other note. Q: What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?A: You can tune a '57 Chevy. Q: How do horn players traditionally greet each other?A: 'Hi. I played that last year. '
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Weird Women Joke
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS. . . I'm sorry. . . what did you ask me?
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Joke for Holidays
A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti- hunter, purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry lady demanded, What took you so long? He smiled and then told her, Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area and I am sorry, because they all turned me down!!
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Clinton Joke
Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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