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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny slogan tees and other funny jokes |
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At Work Joke
Paddy wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test. Tester: If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?Paddy: Seven!Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?Paddy: Seven!Tester: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?Paddy: Six. Tester: Good! Now, if I give you two rabbits, two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got? Paddy: Seven!Tester: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?Paddy : I've already got one rabbit at home!
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Funny Men Joke
1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become 'null' and void after seven days. 2. If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret, girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 3. If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad orangry, we meant the other way. 4. It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together. 5. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are? 6. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out. 7. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both. 8. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 9. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. 10. Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 11. When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying 'This is our exit' is not necessary. 12. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Wink, I'll do the rest!
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War Joke
During the Six Day War, this division of Arabs is making its way across the burning desert sands towards Israel, when the Arab commander, bouncing along in his jeep, spots an aged Israeli on top a distant sand dune. The commander drops his binoculars and shouts orders to a foot soldier to run up ahead and kill the infidel Israeli. The soldier sprints ahead of theadvancing troops, and soon disappears over the sand dune. The general stops the troops and waits to see what happens. Nothing happens. The commander sends a whole platoon of soldiers to investigate. All twelve Arabs disappear over the sand dune, never to be seen again. The now-slightly-anxious commander dispatches 3 tanks to find out just what in the heck is going on, and they disappear over the dune, too. Sweat pours down the commander's forehead as he orders his entiredivision to overrun the solitary Israeli behind the sand dune. But just then, the first soldier reappears on the distant sand dune and cups his hands to his lips. 'Go back!' he shouts. 'Go back! It's hopeless-- there's TWO of them!'
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Heaven and hell Joke
Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did you do on Earth?' The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, 'you may go in. ' St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her 'you may go in. ' St. Peter asked the third man, 'what did you do?' The man hung his head and replied, 'I ran a large HMO. ' To which St. Peter replied, 'you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days. '
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Best Joke Online
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. 'People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, ' one says, 'but we have no one to go to with our own problems. ' 'Since we're all professionals, ' another suggests, 'why don't we hear each other out right now?'They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, 'I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can. ' The second admits, 'I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me. ' The third psychiatrist says, 'I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret. '
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Comedy Joke
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
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Joke for Kids
The Perfect Day According To:HER8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses9:00 5 pounds lighter on the scale9:30 Light breakfast11:00 Sunbathe12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe1:45 Shopping2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex - notice she's gained 30 lbs3:00 Facial, massage, nap7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing10:00 Make love11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong armsHIM10:00 Wake up10:02 Oral sex10:10 Big Breakfast11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters2:15 Enormous lunch3:15 Oral sex3:25 Play sports with the guys4:30 Drink beer with the guys6:30 Meet Claudia Schiffer6:40 Oral sex6:50 Huge dinner, more beer11:00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex11:10 Sleep
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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