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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny slide shows and other funny jokes |
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Vampire Joke
Which flavor ice cream is Dracula's favorite? Vein-illa.
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Irish Joke
'Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?' the solicitor questioned his client. 'Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?' 'Oh, no, ' replied Mrs. O'Connor. 'Shure now, we have a carport. ' The solicitor tried again. 'Well, does the man beat you up?' 'No, no, ' said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. 'Oi'm always first out of bed. ' Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. 'What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have. ' 'Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds. ' 'Mrs. O'Connor, ' the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, 'you need a reason that the court can consider. 'What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?' 'Ah, well now, ' said the lady, 'Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation. '
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Comedy Joke
A doctor came to the mental hospital to visit his patients. In one of the rooms, he saw a man walking around, dragging a toothbrush on a leash. The doctor asked the man: 'What are you doing, walking the dog?'The man replied: 'Oh no, I'm just dragging my toothbrush on a leash. ' The doctor left the room amazed, thinking how many normal people end up in mental institutions. . . And the man said to his toothbrush: 'Ha, Fifi, we tricked him!'
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I've lost my memory! When did this happen? When did what happen?
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Dog Joke - 1
Alsation: How come you are always so well behaved when you go on a walk with your master? Chihuahua: It's the leash I can do!
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Joke for Halloween
A preacher who wanted to raise money for his church was told there was a fortune in horse racing, so he decided to buy a horse and enter it in a race. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured, however, that since he had it he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, in the first race his mule came in second. The next day the racing sheets carried this headline:PREACHER'S ASS SHOWSThe preacher was so pleased that he entered the mule in another race. This time it won and the paper said:PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONTThe bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The new headline read:BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASSThis was too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher gave it to a nun in a nearby convent. The headline the next day said:NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWNThe bishop fainted. He told the nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who would take it off her hands for $10. 00. The paper said:NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS. . . They buried the bishop the next day.
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Computing Joke
Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes. Thou shalt remember thy name and password. Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day. Honor thy SysOp. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's password, nor his or her real name, computer, software, nor any other thing belonging to him or her. Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning. Thou shalt use the English language properly. Thou shalt spell thy words correctly when ever possible. Thou shalt delete thine olden messages. Thou shalt help other users. Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism. Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself. Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications. Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to assure correct numbers. Thou shalt not post messages while drunk. Thou shalt confine thy messages to those of friendship, requests for assistance, aid to the needy, advice, and advancement of thy hobby; and thou art obligated to repel any who wouldst transgress upon those commandments. If thou doth promise to reply to a message and thou doth not, then surely thou shalt spill coffee into thy keyboard and burn out thy central processing chip. Thou shalt not giveth any false information when applying for membership to a BBS, for verily it is written that whosoever shall do so will surely be found out and thy welcome on all boards will be thus denied forever and ever. Thou shalt log on properly and in accordance with the SysOp's rules. Thou shalt observe BBS time limits. Thou shalt not upload 'worm' programs. Thou shalt not ask stupid questions that are already fully explained in the BBS instructions. Thou shalt not exchange copy protected software thru the BBS. Thou shalt not violate applicable state/federal/local laws hand regulations affecting BBS telecommunications, or thy will feel the wrath of thy judicial system. Thou shalt not hack.
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Various animal Joke
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig ? A teddy boar !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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