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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny seaside postcards and other funny jokes |
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Miscellaneous Joke
This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, 'You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop. ' So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, 'I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel. 'Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you into a sex freak?' The Pakistani man replied, 'Just try them on. 'Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years--- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, 'YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET!'.
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Pig Joke
What do you get if you cross pigs with a lot of grapes ? A swine gut !
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Naughty Joke
These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing and one sperm asks the other. . . Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube??? Sperm #2 says 'Naaaa this is still the esophagus'.
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Farmer Joke
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer: 'What do you use to feed your pigs?' 'Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?' 'Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don't feed them like you should, they shouldn't eat wastes. ' Then he fined the farmer. Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered: 'Well, I feed them very well. I give them salmon, caviar, shrimp, steak. . . why?' 'Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it's unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat. ' And he fined the farmer. Finally, another man came in and asked just the same question. The hesitant farmer answered after a few minutes: 'Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever they want. '
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Food and Drink Joke
How can you make a soup rich? Add 14 carrots (carats) to it.
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Mad Joke
Two brunettes and a blonde are having lunch at a cafe, all three are pregnant. Through out the coversation the topic of sex and pregnancy comes up, finally culminating in each one discussing their respective fetus' and the manner of conception. The first brunette says 'I know I am going to have a boy because I was on top. 'The second brunette says 'I know I am going to have a girl because I was on the bottom. 'The blonde is silent, she has a stricken look on her face, finally she bursts out 'Oh my god, I'm going to have a puppy'.
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Christmas Joke - 1
Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash tore open the icebox then threw up the sash. The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow sent thoughts of a binge to my body below. When what to my wandering eyes should appear: a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer! That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick. The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear; On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS a Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox. From the top of the scales to the top of the hall now dash away pounds now dash away all. Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress my clothes were all bulging from too much excess. My droll little mouth and my round little belly they shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly. I spoke not a word but went straight to my work ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk. And laying a finger beside my heartburn I gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned. I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry if temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by. And I mumbled again as I turned for the night in the morning I'll starve . . . 'til I take that first bite.
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Old age Joke
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: 'We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods. ' The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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