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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny santa images and other funny jokes |
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Funny Kids Joke
What do rodents say when they play bingo?'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
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Funny College Joke
Yo mama's so fat- Yo Mama's so fat, she couldn't fit in a satellite photo. - Yo Mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose - Yo Mama's so fat, the telephone company gave her two area codes - Yo Mama's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs - Yo Mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, kids shout: 'Free Willy! free Willy!' - Yo Mama's so fat, she's got her own zip code - Yo Mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise - Yo Mama's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L. A. , Chicago. . . - Yo Mama's so fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance. - Yo Mama's so fat, she jumped in air and got stuck. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears Maclom X shirt, helicopters land on her. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too. - Yo Mama's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a 'Caution! Wide Turn' sign. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it read 'One at a time, please. ' - Yo Mama's so fat, I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat in the rain, people run to her and yell 'Taxi!' - Yo Mama's so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized. - Yo Mama's so fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway. - Yo Mama's so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller. - Yo Mama's so fat, when she tripped on 10th St. , she landed on 22nd St. . - Yo Mama's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up. - Yo Mama's so fat, if she was a superhero, she would be 'incredible bulk. ' - Yo Mama's so fat, a picture of her fell off the wall. - Yo Mama's so fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing her peanuts. - Yo Mama's so fat, she stepped on rainbow and made Skittles - Yo Mama's so fat, I guess we know what's eating Gilbert Grape. - Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud. - Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu. - Yo mama's so fat, she wears a watch on each arm, one for each time zone. - Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale, and it said 'GET THE HELL OFF!!' - Yo mama's so fat, the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds - Yo mama's so fat, she stepped on my cat's tail, now I call him 'Beaver'. - Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas. - Yo mama's so fat, when I climbed on top of her, I burned my ass on the light bulb. - Yo mama's so fat, she's got more chins than a Chinese phone book. - Yo mama's so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips. - Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side. - Yo mama's so fat, I ran around her twice, and got lost. - Yo mama's so fat, instead of wearing Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levis 1002's. - Yo mama's so fat, she's got more rolls than a bakery. - Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean, and Spain claimed her as a new world. - Yo mama's so fat, she could sell shade. - Yo mama's so fat, that when God said 'Let there be Light', he told her to move her fat ass out of the way. - Yo mama's so fat, when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her. - Yo mama's so fat, when I have sex with her, I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in. - Yo mama's so fat, when she bends over, we go into daylight savings time. - Yo mama's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet. - Yo mama's so fat, she bumps into people when she's sitting down. - Yo mama's so fat, when your father mounts her, his ears pop. - Yo Mama's so fat, her butt has it's own congressmen. - Yo Mama's so fat, she needs a boomerang to wear a belt.
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Military Joke
Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.
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Computer Joke
When do computers go to sleep? When it's internight.
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Funny School Kids Joke
What did the beaver say to the tree?
'Good to gnaw you. '
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
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Joke for Kids
A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said 'I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please' so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill. All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter. The barman came over and said 'Wha. . wh. . You just shot my friend!!!'the panda calmly replied 'Do you know what I am?''Why yes, ' the barman answered. 'Your a panda. ''Good, ' the panda nodded 'Now go home and look up 'panda' in the dictionary. ' And with that, the panda walked out of the bar. The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary. After a while, he found 'panda' and quickly read the definition:PANDA:1. A black and white bear native to China. Eats shoots and leaves.
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Humorous Joke
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for . The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. 'I will have to go home and come back later. ' The woman says, 'Unbutton your shirt. ' So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed his application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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