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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny rude t shirts and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
A blonde girl goes into a hair salon and she's wearing earphones connected to her walkman. She tells the hair stylist to cut her hair but NOT to take off her earphones. He had to cut around it. But, he thought it would look really stupid if he didn't cut under her earphones so he picked them up and lifted them slightly. Suddenly, she fell to the ground, dead. The hair stylist picked up the ear phones to see what she had been listening to and a recorded voice was saying 'Breathe In, Breathe Out. Breathe In, Breathe Out. '
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Bible Joke
A little girl spoke to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small. The little girl said, 'But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale. ' Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. 'It is physically impossible!' she said. Undaunted, the little girl said, 'Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah. ' To this, the teacher said, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
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Funny College Joke
How does a New York University psychology major turn on his lights in the morning? By opening the car door.
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Great Joke
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen. 'Where's my bucket and where's my water?' Grandma asked him. 'I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma, ' exclaimed Johnny. 'There's a big ol' alligator down there!''Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!''Well, Grandma, ' replied Johnny, 'if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!'
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Dumb Blonde Joke
How do you know when a blonde has been working on your computer?There's white out on the screen and lipstick on the joystick!
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Dentist Joke
Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window? Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.
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School Joke
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper. Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, 'What's happened to your car?' 'Well, ' the friend responses, 'I ran into a lawyer'. 'OK, ' says the man, 'that explains the blood. . . But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?' 'Well, I had to chase him all through the park. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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