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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny rude ringtones and other funny jokes |
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Fishing Joke
I was glad when one fish got away. There just wasn't room in the boat for both of us!
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Funny Kids Joke
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside?A mouse sandwich!
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War Joke
At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, 'Will we have to fight a World War Three?' 'Yes, comrades, looks like you will, ' answers the general. 'And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?' another officer asks. 'The likelihood is that it will be China. ' The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, 'But Comrade General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1. 5 billion. How can we possibly win?' 'Well, ' replies the general, 'Think about it. In modern war, it is not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews have been the winners every time. ' 'But sir, ' asks the panicky officer, 'Do we have enough jews'?
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Medicine Joke
A mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend ofhis, also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had beendoing. The friend replied (vocally!) 'Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now. 'Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. Seems he had gone to aspecialist, who, seeing no physical damage, had put him on a treatmentprogram that had restored the use of his vocal chords. Gesturing wildly, the mute asked if he might meet this specialist. Theygot an appointment that very afternoon. After an exam, the specialist proclaimed that he had found no permanentdamage. The mute was essentially in the same condition as his buddy, and that there was no reason why he couldn't be helped as well. 'Yes, yes' signed the mute. 'Let's have the first treatment right now!''Very well, ' replied the specialist. 'Kindly go into the next room, dropyour pants and lean over the examining table. I'll be right in. 'The mute does as instructed, and the doctor sneaked in carrying abroomstick, mallet and jar of Vaseline. Greasing the broom handle, he'sent it home' with a deft swipe of the mallet. The mute jumped from the table, screaming, 'Archive of funny rude ringtones and other funny jokesArchive of funny rude ringtones and other funny jokesaaaaaaaaaaa!!!''VERY good, ' smiled the doctor. 'Next Tuesday, we work on 'B'. '
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Business Joke
Letterman's Top Ten Signs You're Doing Business With The Wrong Bank10. When you make a deposit, tellers high-five each other. 9. After you get a free toaster, bank president shows up at your house begging for toast. 8. Your monthly statements are handwritten, in crayon. 7. When you want to make a withdrawal, clerks suddenly don't speak English. 6. You notice Kato Kaelin is sleeping in the vault. 5. Your safety deposit box is a Dunkin' Donuts carton wrapped in tin foil. 4. All cash deposits go directly into teller's pants. 3. Lobby is waist-deep in Mexican pesos. 2. Toll-free customer service line is: 1-800-GET-HOSED. 1. Four words: Bank President Rosa Lopez
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Various animal Joke
What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d
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Vampire Joke
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight for the juggler !
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History Joke
What did King Arthur sleep with when he was afraid of the dark? A knight light
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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