|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of funny retirement speeches and other funny jokes |
|
Christmas Joke - 1
A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past. They must have had sharp ears! They were mountain-ears!
= = = = = = = = = =
School Joke for Kids
* Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids* Bad: You can't find your birth control pills* Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them* Good: Your son studies a lot in his room* Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there. * Ugly: You're in them* Good: Your husband understands fashion* Bad: He's a cross-dresser* Ugly: He looks better than you* Good: Your son's finally maturing* Bad: He's involved with the woman next door* Ugly: So are you* Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter* Bad: She keeps interrupting* Ugly: With corrections* Good: Your wife's not talking to you* Bad: She wants a divorce* Ugly: She's a lawyer* Good: The postman's early* Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47* Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas* Good: Your daughter got a new job* Bad: As a hooker* Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients* Way ugly: She makes more money than you do* Good: You're son is dating someone new* Bad: It's another man* Ugly: He's you're best friend* Good: You're wife is pregnant. * Bad: It's triplets* Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
= = = = = = = = = =
Bumper Stickers - 6
So you're a feminist - isn't that cute!
= = = = = = = = = =
Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A neutron walks into a bar. 'I'd like a beer' he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. 'How much will that be?' asks the neutron. 'For you?' replies the bartender, 'no charge'
= = = = = = = = = =
Joke for Speeches
The first 90% of a project takes 10% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous. 'Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
= = = = = = = = = =
Satire Joke
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, 'Mom, look at this, ' and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my mouth and said, 'Mommy is gonna eat your fingers!' pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face and tears down her face. I said, 'What's wrong honey?'Sad and broken up she looked at me and said -'Mommy, where's my booger?
= = = = = = = = = =
Bizarre Joke
A Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. 10 second fuses only last 7 seconds. Anything you do can get you shot, even doing nothing. Claymores are labeled 'This side toward enemy' for a reason. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever, ever volunteer to do anything. Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. If it's stupid but works, it really isn't stupid. If the enemy is in range, so are you. If the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. Incoming fire has the right of way. It is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at. The easy way is always mined. The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions: a. When you're not ready for them. b. When you're ready for them. Either time is inconvenient and generally a bummer. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. When in doubt empty the magazine.
= = = = = = = = = =
Bumper Stickers - 1
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
