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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny retirement quotes and other funny jokes |
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama is so hairy, that Bigfoot tried to take her picture!
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Joke for Halloween
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made awish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a whilebut then smiled and said. . . 'Cool!. . . It really works'!
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Music Joke
Q: Why shouldn't violists take up mountaineering? A: Because if they get lost, it takes ages before anyone notices that they're missing.
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Pig Joke
Why doesn't Santa hitch his sleigh to a pig? Pigs don't have red noses.
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Sport Joke
Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt Master of Judo Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques: Escape from DojoThe quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats. Sleeper StanceStanding at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion. Sigh of WisdomSudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury. Crossing FingersA hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious. Gift of InstructionThe act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly. Seeing Without SeeingThe dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question. Kuchi Waza (mouth technique)Using an hour of class time to answer the stupid question while students sit on their knees in seiza. Mugger's DefenseOffering to lighten the student's wallet to reduce the risk of confrontation. Sensei's DownfallFailing to ask for enough money to keep the dojo open. Further requirements:Must be able to walk on water (while it is in liquid form). Must be able to disable a man using only a Kleenex tissue as a weapon. Must be able to make up meaningless Zen koans on the spot. Must be able to catch a fly with chopsticks. Must be able to defeat multiple masked ninja movie warriors after they disclose their evil plans to you and leave you to die in an easily escapable situation. Must be able to voice over a Godzilla movie properly (i. e. coordination between the movement of the lips and the voice). Must be able to take a bullet (not in the chest of course but maybe in the foot or something). Must be able to make your own nuclear device with a piece of bubble gum, a pencil, some coconuts, and an alarm clock. Must be able to change into a judogi in a phone booth at any given moment. Must be able to sing Karaoke. Must be able to use nature to your advantage (e. g. sick a dog on the enemy, throw stones at him, climb a tree and hide. . . ) Must be able to fight blindfolded and win (against blind competitors of course). Must have completed a course in 'Basic Samurai Sushi'. Must be able to choreograph street fights for Jackie Chan movies. Must be able to use an opponent's skill as a reason for defeat. Must be able to keep all bleeding internal. Must be able to trim an entire forest into a bonsai garden in 25 minutes or less. Note:Laughing at any time will disqualify the potential 11th dan. If a member of the Senior Board of Examiners makes a comment and then waits expectantly, it may be an indication that he has just made a joke. A half-smile may be tried at this time, but in no other instance.
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Zodiac Joke
Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! B-4 ! B-4 who ? B-4 I freeze to death, please open this door !
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Love and Marriage Joke
God made a man and then rested. God made a woman and then no one rested
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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