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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny retirement messages and other funny jokes |
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Top 100 Joke
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1. 00. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
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Mad Joke
A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does. The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing. He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, 'What's so funny?' She says, 'Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!'
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Joke for Halloween
. . . 'Well, it wasn't that tragic. Soon after that, I started seeing another man who performed in the circus. He was really a great guy, but he lived pretty dangerously because he performed his high-wire act without a net. Well, a few weeks after we got married, he was performing a show and suddenly a gust of wind came by and knocked him off his wire and he was killed. 'Your second husband was killed too?!!? That's horrible!'Yes, it was terrible, but at the funeral I fell in love with the minister and we got married soon after that. Unfortunately, one Sunday while he was walking to church, he was hit by a car and killed. 'Three??? Three husbands of yours were killed? How could you live through all that?'It was pretty tough, but then I met my present husband. And he's a wonderful man. I think we'll live a long happy life together. 'And what does your present husband do for a living?'He's a mortician. 'A mortician? I don't understand something here. First you marry a banker, then a circus performer, then a minister, and now a mortician? Why such a diverse grouping of husbands?'Well, if you think about it it's not too hard to understand. . . One for the money. . . Two for the show. . . Three to get ready. . . And four to go!'
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Joke for Kids
Two Polaks are walking down opposite sides of a river when they notice each other. One invites the other one over. 'I can't swim', he replies. 'Why don't you come over here?'The other guy says, 'I can't swim, either. What are we gonna do?'First guy says, 'Wait! I got a flashlight. I'll turn it on, and you walk across the beam to this side. 'The second guy replies, 'No way! I'll get half-way across, and you'll turn the flashlight off!'
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Legal Humor
What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig? Nothing, there's some things even a pig won't do!
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History Joke
What did they do at the Boston Tea Party ? I don't know, I wasn't invited !
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.
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Kids Joke
Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got therehis teacher asked, 'Why are you late little Johnny?'Johnny replied, 'My grandpa got burnt, Miss. 'The teacher replied, 'I hope it wasn't too bad. 'Then little Johnny said, 'Don't worry, the crematorium doesn'tmuck around!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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