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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny pub signs and other funny jokes |
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Funny Kids Joke
What happened to the glow worm who was squashed?
He was de-lighted!
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School Joke
Teacher: In '1940
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Elephant Joke
Teacher: 'Where would you find an elephant ?' Pupil:'You don't have to find them, they're too big to lose !'
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Love and Marriage Joke
A guy was invited to an old friends' home for dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy,
'I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names. '
His buddy hung his head. 'To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago. '
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Joke for Halloween
Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation. The first guy says 'I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, '7 come 11' all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!'The second guy says 'I know what you mean. . . my old lady played blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light or hit me hard
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Men Joke
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. 'A penny for your thoughts, ' she said. 'It's amazing!' he replied. 'I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46. 50. '
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Dog Joke - 1
What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde ? A jet setter !
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Aviation Joke
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson
looked
out the window. 'Good lord!' he screamed, 'one of the engines just blew
up!'
Other passengers left their seats and came running over; suddenly the
aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on
the
other side. The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses
couldn’t maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently,
the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was
nothing
to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of the
passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to
the
door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the
seats
and began handing them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached
the package to their backs. 'Say,' spoke up an alert passenger, 'aren’t
those
parachutes?' The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, 'But I
thought
you said there was nothing to worry about?' 'There isn’t,' replied the
pilot
as a third engine exploded. 'We’re going to get help. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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