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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny presents for girls and other funny jokes |
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Zoo Joke
Zoo visitor: What's the new baby hippo's name? Hippopotamus keeper: I don't know, he won't tell me.
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School Joke
Why do teachers use a bamboo cane? Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo!
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Bumper Stickers - 6
sticker and watch the road!!!')
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Animal World
What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.
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Worlds Best Joke
Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?A. Ask your mother. Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?A. Wiped his ass. Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak. Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you. Q. What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?A. Spitting, swallowing and garglingQ. What's so good about an Ethiopian blow job?A. You know she'll swallow. Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb. Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin. 'Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?A. Same thing as a 'quickie, 'only you do it yourself. Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?A. No one to talk to during orgasm. Q. What do you call a smart blonde?A. A golden retriever. Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?A. A mechanic!Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?A. The one with the dirty knees. Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?A. A battery has a positive side. Q. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade:Who has the biggest tits?A. The blonde, because she's 18. Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock. Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?A. 'Are you In?' or 'Is It In?'Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sexA. 'Honey, I'm home!'Q. Why do men take showers instead of baths?A. Pissing in the bath is disgusting. Q. Did you hear about the new paint called 'Blonde' paint?A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy. Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went. . Q. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. A. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. Q. How can you tell a macho women?A. She rolls her own tampons. Q: What's the leading cause of death among lesbians?A: Hair balls. Q: What's good on a pizza, but bad on a pussy?A: Crust. Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?A: Because Kermit loves sweet and sour pork.
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Website Joke
You're a big Internet fan aren't you? Yes - it's becoming a habit!
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Totally Weird Joke
Three things nobody wants to hear the surgeon say:Oops. Has anyone seen my watch? That was some party last night. I can't remember WHEN I've been that drunk!
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Joke for Holidays
'Finish your lima beans or you're not getting any heroin for dessert!''If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma perform another striptease for you. ''If this plexiglass wasn't between us, I'd wash your mouth out with soap, young man. ''Do you want me to put a tofu burrito in your pants? Well? Do You?!''Billy Bob, you finish them chores or Sis ain't goin' to the prom with ya!''Eat your brussel sprouts, or Mommy won't love you anymore. ''Lyle, Erik -- either behave, or go to your suites!''If you don't eat your peas, Chelsea, I'll make you stay at the Gingrich's house!''Don't make me put you back in the womb!''As long as you live under this roof, you're *going* to wear that dress, young man!''You just wait til your father gets paroled!''Stop crying, Lourdes, or Uncle Dennis will kick you in the groin. ''Young lady, don't make me send you to the Citadel!'and the Number 1 Threat Used in Dysfunctional Families. . . 'All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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