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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny postcards and other funny jokes |
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Kids Puns
A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange hellos and he notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, 'This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest diameter. By the way my name is Jill. What's yours?'He coolly replies, 'Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you. '
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Constipated people don't give a crap.
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Political Joke
Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, 'What about the powerful interest that controls you?' And the other guy screamed back, 'You leave my wife out of this!'
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Joke of the Day
Show up totally smashed. Be as obnoxious and unruly as possible. When the priest says his little 'If anyone know any reason. . . ' ditty, say, 'Look at him! Look at her! These people should not reproduce!' or rattle off every mean, nasty thing the ex ever did to you, including that time when he went to see 'Jesus Christ Superstar' with his mother on the night of your anniversary. Send hookers. Laugh incessantly during the ceremony, for no apparent reason. Trip the bride on the way up. Wrestling, anyone? Two words: bomb threat. Have a nice heart-to-heart with the mother of the bride (or groom). What you say is up to you, and the more horrid the better. Pretend you've been seeing the groom secretly. Claim you've had his love child and he looks just like him. Say you've had an affair with the bride if you're female, and the groom if you're male. Make a big production about how this is all killing you. Laugh at anyone who takes you seriously. Silly string! or, better yet. . . indoor frog baseball! 'White Wedding' mysteriously piped into the church speaker system Maple syrup balloons. Or condoms. Cold oatmeal instead of rice or au gratin potatoes. Rigging the pulpit with firecrackers and other assorted pyrotechnics. Invitations sent to a really nasty biker gang. Sneaking into the groom's underwear stash and rubbing everything with hot peppers. Drug the priest. Theatrical knives and stage blood. Fun. Flat tires. Ever see that scene in 'The Parent Trap' where the girls cut out the whole back of this other girl's dress?Use stage makeup to make yourself look *really* pale, and paint two little wound-marks on your neck. Act like a vampire. Show up with a baby and claim it belongs to the newlyweds. Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet. Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog. Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex-change operation. Tell the bride that the only reason that you can look at her is because you used to be a proctologist. Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate to a drug rehabilitation clinic. As you move down on the receiving line, spit on each person. Ask the bride's mother to give you oral sex. Give the bride some Binaca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm. Propose a toast to the bride's nose job. Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so nobody knows who they came from. Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations. After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, 'Throw your bra. . . Throw your bra. . . 'Tell people that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from backing out. Tell the rabbi there's no money to pay him, and ask if he'll settle for shtupping the bride. Assure the bride's mother that the groom is 'Hung like a horse'. Return a bra which the bride left in your car. If there's a hunchback at the Jewish wedding, tell him that he has to wear a yarmulke on his head and another on his hump. When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way and start playing 'The Lady is a Tramp'.
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Spoof Joke
Q: What nationality are you if you're going to the bathroom? A: EuropeanQ: And what nationality are you if someone's knocking on the door while you're going? A: You're a Russian.
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Dirty Joke
They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa. It's called Genitalia.
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Monster Joke
Why did the monster drink ten liters of antifreeze? So that he didn't have to buy a winter coat.
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Situations Humor
A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks agoand has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product. The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, 'Push up bottom to use. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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