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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
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bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny post its and other funny jokes |
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School Joke for Kids
One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel. I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna twopissa toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you nounderstand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no pisson plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla mesomma ma b*tch. Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy anatell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress shebring me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - Shetell me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, Iwanna fock on table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonnama b*tch - I not even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch. So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. Icalla the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go totoilet. So, I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He sayyou betta not sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know manana he call me sonna ma b*tch!I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I saypeace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!
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Mad Joke
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?A: 30 - 1 to make the batter and 29 to peel the smarties.
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock Who's there ! Cash ! Cash who ? Cash me if you can !
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Knock Knock Joke - 3
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Phyllis.
Phyllis who?
Phyllis up a cup of water!
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Dirty Joke
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? A: Palm Sunday.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Don't wash this vehicle - Undergoing scientific dirt test
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Computing Joke
Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press Any Key' because of the flood of calls asking where the 'Any' key is. AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. Another Compaq technician recieved a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the disk. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up crossing the room to close the door to his room. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hiting the 'send' key. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. 'yeah, I got me a couple of friends, ' the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, 'Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks. 'Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had clearned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually. A Dell technician recieved a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was 'bad and an invalid. ' The tech explained that the computer's 'bad command' and 'invalid' responses shouldn't be taken personally. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, 'I pushed and pushed on the foot pedal and nothing happens. ' The 'foot pedal' turned out to be the computer's mouse. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked 'What power switch?'
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College Humor
Why do they manufacture perfumed bathroom tissue when our noses are on our faces?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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