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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny post cards and other funny jokes |
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Law Enforcement Joke
Theater Guest A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, 'Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat. 'The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. 'Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager. 'Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, 'All right buddy, what's your name?''Sam, ' the man moaned. 'Where ya from, Sam?'With pain in his voice Sam replied '. . . the balcony. '
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Blair ! Blair who ? Blair play !
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Money Joke
If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.
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Computer Joke
How many maintenance programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They try to fix the old one. 'We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?'
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Dumb Men Joke
What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
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Bar Joke - 1
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, 'If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?' The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.
After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, 'If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?' The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music.
While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000. 00 for the bullfrog. 'Sorry,' the man replies, 'he's not for sale. ' The stranger increases the offer to $250,000. 00 cash up front. 'No,' he insists, 'he's not for sale. ' The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000. 00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.
'Are you insane?' the bartender demanded. 'That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!' 'Don't worry about it. ' the man answered. 'The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist. '
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Computer Joke
Life would be so much easier if I had the source code
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, 'I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?'St. Peter replied, 'Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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