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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny pictures of men and other funny jokes |
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Just for Laughs Joke
Two elderlies are rocking on the porch at the home. 'Bet you can't guess how old I am, ' he says. 'Bet I can, ' she says. 'Bet you fifty dollars you can't tell me how old I am, ' he says. 'You're on, ' she says. 'Stand up. ' He stands up. She looks him up and she looks him down. 'Now turn around, ' she says. She looks him up and she looks him down. 'Now, turn back around . . . and drop your pants, ' she says. He drops his pants and she looks him up . . . and she looks him down . . . 'you're '86
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Bed Joke
When does a bed grow longer? At night, because two feet are added to it.
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Weirdest Joke
You don't know Jack Schitt!When someone says 'You don't know Jack Schitt', well, now you'll know the entire story. Jack Schitt was the only son of Owe Schitt and Awe Schitt. Owe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran a country hotel. . The Kneedeep Inn. Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt and together they produced six children. Sadly, their first child, Holy Schitt, passed away shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Then they had twin daughters, Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt. Their last child was a son, Bull. As time went on, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Deep Schitt's twin brother, Dip Schitt, married Lotta schitt, who gave birth to a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Hawse Schitt. Bull Schitt recently married a spicy Italian number, Pisa Schitt and together they await the birth of their first child, Baby Schitt. So the next time someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' you can say 'Not only do I know Jack Schitt, but the whole damn family as well!'
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Sad Joke
You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the '10 items or less' lane. You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes. You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are. You return the coffee because it's too hot. You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon). You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one. You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc. , does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years. If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20 You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you. You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party. You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong. While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, 'Is this all the TVs you have?' You dare ask for a discount at a resturaunt because your kids didn't like thier food after they showed their dislike by throwing said food on the walls and the floor. You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other. You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)
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Stupid Men
What do you call a man with a vasectomy?
A humanitarian.
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Government Humor
The Australian liberal party announced today that they arechanging their emblem to a condombecause it more clearly reflects their party'spolitical stance :A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security whilescrewing others.
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Redneck Joke
You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Two blondes are passing by a fruit shop when the grocer calls to them, 'Bananas! 50 cents each or three for a dollar!'The girls stop and look at each other. 'Well I suppose we could always eat the third one!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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