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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny phone wallpapers and other funny jokes |
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Election Joke
Before his infamous haircut on the tarmac, Clinton asked his stylist Christophe, 'How long will this take, how much will it cost, and how good will this look?'
Christophe replied just ten minutes, cost $20, and look marvelous. An hour and fifteen minutes later, Clinton looked into the mirror in horror and Christophe handed him a bill for $200.
Clinton gasped, 'You took too long, it doesn't look that great, and it is costing me ten times more than you said!'
Christophe replied, 'That makes us even. '
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Instrument Joke
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?A: A new age song. Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?A: You get your job and your wife back. Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole. After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible. Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
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Marriage Joke
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: 'When I'm dead I want you to marry farmer Jones. 'Wife: 'No, I can't marry anyone after you. 'Johnson: 'But I want you to. 'Wife: 'But why?'Johnson: 'Jones once cheated me in a horse deal!'
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Internet Joke
Have you seen www. blottingpaper. com? Yes, I found it very absorbing.
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Computer Joke
After buying a PC from a dealer of shady shady repute, the luckless customer unpacked his new toy and plugged it in to find it Dead On Arrival. Naturally, after checking the usual things, he called the dealer and explained his problem. First question from Deviously Evasive Dealer: 'Did you check to see whether the power was on?' 'Of course. ' DED: 'Did you open the cover and check whether any of the boards had shaken loose in shipping?' 'Of course. ' DED: Then why are you calling me?' 'Well, you sold it to me and there has to be some kind of warranty, ' pleaded the frustrated purchaser. 'Of course there is, ' replied the DED, 'But you voided the warranty when you opened the cover. ' There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.
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Legal Humor
Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, 'You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can. 'After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, 'You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I told him to split. '
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Hunting Joke
What's the easiest way for a Gorilla hunter to make money? Collect unemployment insurance!
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Love and Marriage Joke
You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nites, and so does she.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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