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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny phone tones and other funny jokes |
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Easy to Remember Joke
God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions. 1. How did you find out about God?__ Newspaper __ Other Book__ Television __ Divine Inspiration__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience__ Bible __ Other__ Torah (specify): _____________2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply. __ Tarot __ Lottery__ Horoscope __ Television__ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers__ Self-help books __ Sex__ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs__ Mantras __ Other: ________________________________________ Insurance policies __ None3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?a. More Divine Interventionb. Less Divine Interventionc. Current level of Divine Intervention is just rightd. Don't know4. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war) 1 2 3 4 5b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets) 1 2 3 4 55. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary).
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Bowl ! Bowl who ? Bowl me over !
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Miscellaneous Joke
A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree', sighed the pheasant, 'but I haven't got the energy'. Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients'. The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch and so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree, whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree. Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
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Mental health Joke
A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him, 'Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it. ' As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says, 'King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans. '
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Dumb Joke
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message 'He's lying' was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the 'lie detector' was working, the suspect confessed.
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Strange Humor
Two chickens were talking and one chicken said to a the other chicken 'who is your favorite music composer?'The second chicken responds 'bach, bach, bach!'
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Doctor Joke
Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day.
The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.
As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, 'Head up or head down?'
'Head up,' said the doctor.
'Blindfold or no blindfold?'
'No blindfold. '
So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.
Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine.
'Head up or head down?' said the executioner.
'Head up. '
'Blindfold or no blindfold?'
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Birthday Joke
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. 'Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am, ' he said politely, ' but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread!' 'That's right. ' 'Every day you wallop him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were hitting him with a chocolate cake. . . . ?' 'Well, today is his birthday!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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