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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny phone downloads and other funny jokes |
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Funny Famous Joke
A blonde, brunette, and redhead went to a church to donate money. The brunette draws a circle around her and throws up all her money. She says that whatever lands inside the circle is for God, and whatever lands outside of the circle she keeps. The redhead then draws a line, stands on it, and throws up all of her money. She said that whatever lands on the right side of the line is for God, and whatever lands on the left side she keeps. The blonde throws up her money, and yells, 'God, whatever you catch is yours, and whatever you don't I get to keep. '
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Parent Joke
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!
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Worlds Best Joke
Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend). Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door. Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring. Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without. Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years. Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy. . . by remaining a bachelor. Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do. . . but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. Forecast for Wedding. . . Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on. Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good taste in men!Friends may come and friends may go and friends may peter out ya know. But we'll be friends through thick or thin, peter out and peter in!From the football club - We found he was useless in any position, hope you have more luck. Getting married is like buying a dishwasher: You'll never need to do it by hand again. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says 'For the woman I love' and the second, 'For my best friend. 'Go west young man, get up the darling as far as you can. Here's a toast to the newlyweds! I hope the only ups and downs you two have are between the sheets. Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!Hope all your Tries are not converted. Hope your honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, one long hard route. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. If you don't want the stork to come, shoot in the air. If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don't stand in her way. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower; but for the groom, it's curtains!In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. . It is better for a woman to marry a man who loves her than a man she loves. It is impossible for a man to make a fool of himself and not know it, especially if he's married. It's always fun to ask at the reception, 'What time's the grand opening?' Or after the honeymoon, 'Glad to see you back on your feet. 'It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. It's sad that a married couple can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs. I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. I only wanted to have a child, not marry one. I think of my wife and I think of Lot, and I think of the lucky break he got. .
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Ethnic Joke - 1
There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who onSabbath eve announces to the congregation that he willnot renew his contract and is moving on to a largercongregation that will pay him more. There is a hush. No one wants him to leave. Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands upand announces, 'If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him witha new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a minivan, to transport their children!'The congregation sighs, and applauds. Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says, 'If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish afoundation to guarantee the college education of hischildren!!'More sighs and applause. Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged '96
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Horse Joke
The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something into the horse's mouth just as a steward walked by. 'What was that?' inquired the steward. 'Oh nothing' said the trainer, 'just a polo'. He offered one to the steward and had one himself. After the suspicious steward had left the scene the trainer continued with his instructions 'Just keep on the rail. You are on a certainty. The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me'.
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Practical Joke
During my college days there was a competitionfor cross country race that was around 8 kms. to my surprise i found my best friend JHON whowas too lazy and never use to take part in anycompetition came first in that race. when he reachedthe finishing line, me and my friends went towish him. I told him 'Jhon u made it and u provedthat u can win the race too. ' but Jhon insteadshouted at me and said ' WHO LET THE DOG BESIDE ME'
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Knock Knock Joke - 2
Knock Knock Who's there ! Answer ! Answer who ? Answer all over your porch ! It's a mess out here !
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Ethnic Joke - 1
Q: How many Chinamen does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Thousands, because Confucious say many hands make light work.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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