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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny phone clips and other funny jokes |
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Bible Joke
Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'N I L'. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity , The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky. Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and wispered, . . . . . . . . . . 'Is Nothing Sacred?'
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Funny Kids Joke
Where do ants go to eat?At a restaurant!What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?Antteneye!What do you call an and with frogs legs?An antphibian!What kind of ants are very learned?Pedants!What do you call a smart ant?Elegant!What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?Discordant!What kind of ant is good at maths?An accountant!How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics?How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?Ten ants!
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School Joke
Teacher : What is a comet ? Pupil : A star with a tail Teacher: Can you name one ? Pupil: Lassie !
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School Joke
Mr. Smith, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, 'Miss Anderson, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions. '
Miss Anderson gasped, then said freezingly, 'Mr. Smith, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this. ' With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Smith called on Miss Jones and asked the same question.
Miss Jones, with composure, replied, 'The pupil of the eye, in dim light. '
'Correct,' said Mr. Smith. 'And now, Miss Anderson, I have three things to say to you.
One, you have not studied your lesson.
Two, you have a dirty mind.
And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment. '
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Irish Joke
Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, 'Have I got all ye say there?' The agent said, 'Certainly ye have. . . Why d'ye ask?' Replied Murphy, 'Cancel the sale. . . 'tis too good to part with. '
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Funny Kids Joke
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves?Mickey Moose!
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Worst Joke
Two guys are on duty at a french foreign legion fort. One says to the other one, 'See that camel over there? I'll bet you I can make him jump 30 feet in the air. The other guy says 'No way'. The first guy walks around to the back of the camel with two bricks, reaches in between the camel's legs and crashes the bricks together. The camel jumps 30 feet in the air. A couple of days later the first guy says to the second guy, 'I bet you I can make that camel nod his head yes, then shake his head no. 'The second guy says, 'You got me last time, but there's no way you can make that dumb animal nod his head yes then shake it no. 'The first guy takes the same two bricks, walks around to the front of the camel, holds up the bricks and says, 'Remember what I did last time?'. (Camel nods). 'Want me to do it again?'
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Business Joke
A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport, waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting, he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter. 'Wait a minute, ' he says to the clerk, 'When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?' 'Fluctuations. ' says the clerk. The Japanese man stiffens. 'Well! Fluck you Americans, too!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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