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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny perfume and other funny jokes |
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Horse Joke
What is one of the hardest times to win a horse race? 12:31, because it is 29 to 1.
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Computer Joke
A customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the screen and pressing the 'send' key.
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mamas so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 3 commercials.
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I wish I lived in New York, so I could have Voted Against Hilary!
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Joke for Kids
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, still I sat there, doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer. Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command And waited for the disk to store, only this and nothing more. Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing, Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more. 'Save!' I said, 'You cursed mother! Save my data from before!' One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From 'Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?'With my fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending, Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some guarantee, timidly I pressed a key. But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly grim, they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'I tried to catch the chips off-guard -- I pressed again, but twice as hard. I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before. Reading, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'There I sat, distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor. And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore. Not even, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'To this day I do not know the place to which lost data goes. What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, 'Abort, Retry, Ignore?'
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Joke for Kids
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut itin six or twelve pieces. A: 'Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces. '
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Horse Joke
This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.
MAN: 'What was that for?'
WIFE: 'What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?'
MAN: 'Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on. ' The wife looked all satisfied, apologises, and goes off do work around the house. Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.
MAN: 'What in the world was that for this time?'
WIFE: 'Your horse called. '
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Love and Marriage Joke
The newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak's 'Car Train' to Florida, so they would have the mobility of being able to use their own vehicle on the honeymoon. They settled into one of the train's upper berths together and cuddled. As the nite progressed, the new bride was heard to say quite excitedly a number of times, 'I just can't believe that we're finally married Kenny. ' After about the 3rd time in five minutes, a voice came out of the dark, 'God dammit Kenny !!! Will you please convince her so's we can all get some sleep ???'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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