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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny new year texts and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Humor
An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his namelegally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked'Can i help you sir?'Our man said 'Yes, I would like to change my name. ''What is your current name?' asked the clerk. 'Martin Arsehole, ' replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said 'I can see why you want achange. What would you like your new name to be?''Tim. '
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Doctor Joke
A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. 'Excuse me, ' he said, 'have you lost something?''No, ' replied one of the doctors. 'We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone. '
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Joke for Speeches
Knock Knock Who's there? Avocado! Avocado who? Avocado a cold! Knock Knock Who's there? Axel! Axel who? Axeldental Tourist! Knock Knock Who's there? Atch! Atch who? I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold! Knock Knock Who's there? Athena! Athena who? Athena flying saucer! Knock Knock Who's there? Argo! Argo who? Argo down the shops!
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Totally Weird Joke
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?A: She peed on her corn flakes.
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
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Joke for Kids
An Italian, an American, and a Polak were captured by the French for various crimes and are taken to the Guillotine. The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if he has any last words. The Italian replies, 'I pray to the Virgin Mary that I may live. ' They drop the blade it it stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck. Amazed, the French let him go. Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any final words. He replies, 'In the name of Jesus Christ, please have mercy. ' They drop the blade, and again it stops just an inch from the American's neck. In disbelief, they let him go free. Then the Polak is placed on the block, and they ask if he has any last words. He says, 'Yeah. You've got a knot in your rope. '
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Business Joke
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, 'Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!'. 'Really?' he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says 'Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?' The clerk replies 'Canned or frozen?'
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Situation Joke
Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill and Mahoney blamed each other for the troubles, and they parted on unfriendly terms. Five years later, Weill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped for a cup of coffee. As he was wiping some crumbs from the table, a waiter approached. Weill looked up and gasped. 'Mahoney!' he said, shaking his head. 'It's a terrible thing, seeing you working as a waiter in a place like this. ''Yeah, ' Mahoney said, curling his lip. 'But I don't eat here. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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