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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny mp4 clips and other funny jokes |
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Spoof Joke
A husband was worried about the decline in the quality of his marriage so he discreetly went to a marriage counselor to discuss the problem. The counselor asked, 'Do you kiss your wife when you get home from work, remind her every now and then of how much you love her, and show her all the little attentions that you did during the first few years of your marriage?''Uhh, no, I guess not, ' the husband replied. 'That happens with many married couples, ' the counselor replied. 'I suggest that you begin starting today to do all those little nice things for her. . . fuss over her, buy her flowers, bring candy home to her, and try to be a lover again instead of just a husband. ''That sounds good to me. You're right. I'll start this evening. 'So when the husband got home that night, he presented his wife at the door with a dozen long-stemmed roses, gave her a big hug and kiss and said, 'We're going out on the town tonight, sweet lips, just the two of us and we're going to have a good time. I've reserved a table at the Hilton, two seats for a great musical to see after dinner, and that's only the beginning!'His wife stared at him, then burst into tears. 'What! What's wrong, honey? Tell me what's the matter?' the husband cried. 'Well, Susie came home from high school today and told me that she's pregnant. Then our bank called us today to tell us that five checks have bounced and that we should immediately make a deposit. Then our cat, Mittens, got run over by a car and poor little Katie is in her room sobbing her eyes out right now. And I totally wrecked the car while I was trying to rush Mittens to the animal clinic. And now. . . (sniff)(sniff). . . now. . . ' she broke off and sobbed deeply. 'Now what, honey, tell me. Please tell me. ' the husband begged. 'And now, you come home drunk!!!!'
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School Joke for Kids
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk, I mean really , really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face. The nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the side, then he picked her up and threw her into a wall. By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move very much. So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. . . . . . . . 'Not very freakin' strong tonight, are you Batman!'
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Doctor Joke
Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Trish: Really? What color?
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Comedy Joke
A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in a nice neighbourhood. Suddenly he realised there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well dressed woman answered the door, and the man asked what kind of a place this was. 'This is a brothel', replied the madam. 'Well, what's all this out on the lawn?' queried the man. 'Oh, we're having a yard sale today. '
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Silliest Joke
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked: 'Why are you laughing?''I was thinking about my own funeral' the man replied. 'What's so funny about that?''I'm a gynecologist. '
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Instrument Joke
Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, 'Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?' The other replies, 'That was no piccolo, that was my fife. '
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Law Joke
'You are a cheat!' shouted the attorney to his opponent.
'And you're a liar!' bellowed the opposition.
Banging his gavel loudly, the judge interjected, 'Now that both attorneys have been identified for the record, let's get on with the case. '
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Camping Joke
Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, 'Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us. ' After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. 'Let's call the boys Towards and Away, ' suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, 'Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea. ' They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. 'My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?' she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: 'We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again. ' 'Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!' 'Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away. . . . '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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