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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny mouse mats and other funny jokes |
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College Humor
Why Are Some Hairs White?One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white. 'The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, 'Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?'
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Dog Joke - 2
What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick? A docs-hund!
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Various animal Joke
What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !
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Dumb Men Joke
The difference between men and women A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, 'PIG!' The man immediately leans out his window and replies, 'Stupid!' They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he slams into a pig in the middle of the road.
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Office Humor
A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, 'Reading my book. 'The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, 'But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!'Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, 'If you do that, I will charge you with rape. 'The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, 'But I didn't even touch you. 'To which the lady replied, 'Yes; but you have all the equipment!'
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Bar Joke - 2
* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. * A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. * Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. * For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. * He who hesitates is probably right. * Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. * No one is listening until you make a mistake. * Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. * The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. * The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. * The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. * To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. * To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. * Two wrongs are only the beginning. * You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. * The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. * Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. * The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. * A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. * If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. * Change is inevitable. . . . except from vending machines. * Don't sweat petty things. . . . or pet sweaty things. * A fool and his money are soon partying. * Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation. * Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. * Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!* If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. * How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands. . . . * Attempt to get a new car for your spouse. . . . it'll be a great trade!* Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. * I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. * Everybody repeat after me. . . . 'We are all individuals. '* Death to all fanatics!* Guests who kill talk show hosts. . . . On the last Geraldo. * Chastity is curable, if detected early. * Don't be sexist; broads hate that!* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. * Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned. * Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. * Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. * Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked in jet engines. * Borrow money from pessimists. . . . they don't expect it back. * Beware of geeks bearing gifs. * Half the people you know are below average. * 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. * 42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. * A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. And finally. . . . * If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you
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Men Joke
How are men like carpet tiles? If you lay them properly the first time around, you can walk all over them for the rest of your life.
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Aviation Joke
Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?Pilot: Negativ, Sir. Its only the same pilot.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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