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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny motorbike videos and other funny jokes |
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
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Law Joke
At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, 'Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?' 'Really?' the other replied, 'Why did you switch?' 'Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more
plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do.
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Men Joke
Guyness QuizTake This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to:a. Present it to the president of the United States. b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations. c. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?a. Innocence. b. Idealism. c. Cherry bombs. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male?a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips. )c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed. 4. What about hugging another male?a. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease. b. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver. (And even in this case, you should repeatedly shout: 'I am just dislodging food trapped in this male's trachea! I am not in any way aroused!')c. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that: (1) He is legally within the basepath, (2) Both of you are wearing protective cups, and (3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures. 5. Complete this sentence: A funeral is a good time to. . . a. . . . remember the deceased and console his loved ones. b. . . . reflect upon the fleeting transience of earthly life. c. . . . tell the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer. 6. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:a. A cat. b. A dog. c. A dog that eats cats. 7. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy -- you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers -- when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it. b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope. c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on third and seventeen. 8. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her -- sharing the joys and the sorrows, the triumphs and the tragedies, and all the adventures and opportunities that the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner. b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her. c. Tell her what?9. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:a. 'Do they need to eat or anything?'b. 'They're in school already?'c. 'There are three of them?'10. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?a. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs. b. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers. c. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody -- and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife -- is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her. 11. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?a. He was being tested. b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there. c. He refused to ask directions. 12. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?a. Democracy. b. Religion. c. Remote control. How to Score: Give yourself one point for every time you picked answer'c. ' A real guy would score at least 10 on this test. In fact, a realguy would score at least '15
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bangkok, ThailandA member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses. 'We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses are not pretty enough, too old and unsmiling, ' Air Chief Marshal Kaset Rojananil said. In an interview published in 'The Nation', the airline has been hiring too many college-educated women, he said, adding: 'Intelligent women tend not to be good looking. '
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Pig Joke
Why isn't there a Superpig? It's too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.
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Animal World
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the localgrocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. 'Nope, no laundry, ' the boy said, 'I'm going to wash my dog!''But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's verypowerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him. 'But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergentto the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer stilltried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy somecandy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. 'Oh, he died, ' the boy said sadly. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he wassorry the dog died but added, 'I tried to tell you not to usethat detergent on your dog!''Well, ' the boy replied, 'I don't think it was the detergentthat killed him. ''Oh? What was it then?''I think it was the spin cycle!'
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Love and Marriage Joke
I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to work one day. My secretary asked me where I got it and I told her that it was a surprise from my wife. I went home early yesterday, and there it was, on the back of a kitchen chair.
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E-mail Joke
How come you never write e-mails? I'd rather send a note!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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