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Naughty Joke
HOW TO SATISFY A WOMANCaress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, humor, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, entertain, sacrifice for, charm, fascinate, attend, trust, grovel, defend, coax, brag about, understand, clothe, respect, entertain, kill for, commit, snuggle, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize, worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again. HOW TO SATISFY A MANShow up naked . . . . . and bring beer.
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Birthday Joke
Did you hear about the flag's birthday? It was a Happy one!
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Mad Joke
I was in the waiting room of my doctor's office the other day when the doctor started yelling, 'Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!' I went up to the nurse and asked her what was going on. She told me that the doctor liked to call the shots.
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Village Idiot Joke
'Information. Can I help you?''I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please. ''One moment, please. ' Pause. 'I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild. ''No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's TheaterGuild. ''I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild. ''Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!''That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore. '
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Computer Joke
You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No, they've always been blue!
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Computing Joke
Twas the night before crisis, And all through the house, Not a program was working, Not even a browse. Programmers were wrung out, Too mindless to care, Knowing chances of cutoverHadn't a prayer. The users were nestledAll snug in their beds, While visions of inquiriesDanced in their heads. When out in the lobbyThere arose such a clatter, That I sprang from my tubeTo see what was the matter. And what to my wonderingEyes should appear, But a Super Programmer, Oblivious to fear. More rapid than eagles, His programs they cameAnd he whistled and shoutedAnd called them by name. On Update! On Add!On Inquiry! On Delete!On Batch Jobs! On Closing!On Functions Complete!His eyes were glazed over, His fingers were lean, From weekends and nightsSpent in front of a screen. A wink of his eye, And a twist of his head, Soon gave me to knowI had nothing to dread. He spoke not a word, But went straight to his work, Turning specs into code, Then he turned with a jerk. And laying his fingersUpon the ENTER key, The system came up, And worked perfectly!The updates updated;The deletes they deleted;The inquiries inquired;And the closing completed. He tested each whistle, He tested each bell, With nary an abend, And all had gone well. The system was finished, The tests were concluded, The client's last changesWere even included!And the client exclaimed, With a snarl and a taunt, 'It's just what I asked for, But it's not what I want!'
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Business Joke
Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, 'Say, why did the foreman fire you?' Replied the second, 'Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman. '
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Great Joke
And then there's little Johnny who one night woke up to go the bathroom and passed by his parents door. Noticing that the door was open a bit, he walked in only to see his mother performing oral sex on his dad. Upon seeing this, little Johnny walks out and exclaims - 'Hah!, they got nerve. . . they sent 'ME' to the doctor for sucking my thumb!'
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