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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny mobile clips and other funny jokes |
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Mother Joke
A boy says, 'Daddy, Daddy, I want to get married!'
The father says, 'For that son, you have to have a boy and a girl. '
The son says, 'I've found a girl. '
'Who?'
'My grandmother. '
'Let me get this straight,' the father says. 'You want to marry my mother? You can't do that. '
'Well, why not?' the son says. 'You married mine!'
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Free Adult Joke
All booster, no payload. All crown, no filling. All foam, no beer. All hammer, no nail. All hat and no cattle. All he remembers about his middle name is the first letter. All his eggs in the same basket. All his learning curves look like Mount Everest. All icing, no cake. All lime and salt, no tequila. All missile, no warhead. All of his bytes are odd. All shot, no powder. All the lights don't shine in her marquee. All the personality of linoleum flooring / plasticene / putty / caulking / saran wrap / a bowl of oatmeal / a plastic spoon. All wax and no wick. Alphabetizes junk mail / T-shirts / canonical lists. Always in the right place, but at the wrong time. Always loses battles of wits because he's unarmed. Always needs to have jokes explained. Always sharpening his sleeping skills. An 8080 in a 68000 environment. An alligator. (All mouth, no ears. ) An Apple //e on UUCP. An early example of the Peter Principle. An ego like a black hole. An example of how the dinosaurs survived for millions of years with walnut sized brains. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. An expert on the historical significance of cottage cheese. An inch short and a stroke early.
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Instrument Joke
Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison?A: Shoot one.
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Music Joke
Q: What is the difference between a dog and a viola? A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.
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Animal World
What is the worst thing that can happen to a bat while it sleeps?Diarrhoea!
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I may be slow; but I'm ahead of you.
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Miscellaneous Joke
A son asks his father, 'What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow. 'The father thought some and said, 'OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?'The little boy said, 'Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said. 'Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awaken by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed. The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, 'Dad, I think I understand politics much better now. ''Excellent, my boy, ' he answered, 'What have you learned?'The little boy thought for a minute and said, 'I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap. '
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Fun Joke
How do you blind a woman? Put a windshield in front of her face!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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