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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny message ringtones and other funny jokes |
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Joke for Halloween
A man is eating in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air. 'Oh my god, I am sooo sorry, ' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. 'Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you. 'They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him back to her place for a drink. They go back to her HOUSE, and after a bit she leads him into the bedroom and begins Undressing him. The couple have wild passionate sex over and over all night. The next morning when he awakens, she has already gotten up and brings him breakfast in bed. The guy is amazed. 'You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?''No, she replies. . . . 'You just happened to catch my eye. (hee-hee, hoo-hoo, that was terrible!)
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Situations Humor
What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying 'Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions. ' Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one. Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.
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Legal Humor
What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?He gets taller!!Sent by Bill
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Computing Joke
ADA: A Dumb ArrangementADA: A Dumb AcronymADA: A Dumb AnnoyanceBASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic CodersBASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical CodeBASIC: Beginner's Algorithms for Seemingly Infinite ConfusionC: CrudC: ConfusingCOBOL: Completly Outdated, Badly Overused LanguageCOBOL: Completly Overused, Badly Outdated LanguageCOBOL: Cowards Only Buy Outdated Languages COBOL: Cowards Only Build Outdated LanguagesCOBOL: Crap Operated By Obsessed lunaticsCOBOL: Crap Often Bothers Our LethargyCOBOL: Crap Ostracized By Our LoathingCOBOL: Compiles Only Because Of LuckCOBOL: Cumbersome, Overdone, Badly Organized LanguageCOBOL: Coded Only By Obsessed LunaticsFORTRAN: Files Only Run Through Right At Never-neverlandLISP: Lots of Insanely Stupid ParenthesesLISP: Lots of Irritating Superfluous ParenthesesPASCAL: Programmers Against Structured Code And Language
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Assorted Joke
One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away. The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target. The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area. . . 'It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!'
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Bumper Stickers - 5
If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
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Salesmen Joke
How do salespeople traditionally greet each other? 'Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you. '
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Worlds Best Joke
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. 'Brenda, may I come in?' he asks. 'I've somethin' to tell ya. ''Of course you can come in. You're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?''That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery. ''Oh, God no!' cries Brenda. 'Please don't tell me. . . ''I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. 'Finally, she looked up at Tim. 'How did it happen, Tim?''It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned. 'Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?''Well, no Brenda, no. ''No?''Fact is, he got out three times to pee. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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