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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny message alerts and other funny jokes |
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Redneck Joke
Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstickand a magician's wand?A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts.
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Practical Joke
Isn't it fnuny taht yuo cna sitll raed tihs massege enve touhgh ist speelld inocretcly?OLL! :p
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Accountant Joke
Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: 'No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking'.
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Naughty Joke
This joke sucks. . . . One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps hiswife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over andsays, 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and Iwant to stay fresh. ' The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This timehe whispers in her ear, 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
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Funny School Kids Joke
What is the best advice to give to worm?Sleep late!
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Travel Humor
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, 'What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?' The other missionary says, 'I just peed in the soup. '
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Easy to Remember Joke
There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur. So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, Why can't I touch its fur? as their didnt seem to be anything wrong with it. Every day he came in and looked for a little while longer as he still couldnt understand until, about a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur. Suddenly the gorilla went ape shit and started to jump around, then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into some one else's sports car and drove off. In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in its own sports car, driving right behing him. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden and up the apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest. The man jumped down and ran back in to the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shaddow coming down the street ahead. The gorilla! It came to the end of the alley, stood and looked striaght into the bloodshoot eyes of the man and came towards him slowly. This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, raised its mighty hand and said, Tag! You're it!
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Cop Joke
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window. . . 'Pull over!''No, ' she shouts back, 'a pair of socks!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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