|
|
|
The
Best Humor Sites on the Internet |
|
Christmas Jokes
Funny Jokes Online
MOCKERY
Ghost Pictures
Ghost Stories
Hilarious Horoscopes
Bizarre Webcam
notMENSA
society for the stupid
Cheap posters
Raunchiest Riddles
Worst Jobs in the World
Love Poems
Inspirational Poems
Funny Poems
Famous Poems
Free Diet Plans
Top Paying
Keywords
Keyword Suggestions
Everything you want to know about everything!
Weird eBay
mesothelioma types
Top 100 Baby Names
flowers online
Poker Articles
Free View Webcams
Work from Home
World History
Baby Name Chooser
Text Links
Online Advertising
Flowers
Top searches
Weird Website
Children's Books
Scottish Jokes
Robert Burns Poems
Midge Jokes
Fathers Jokes
Funny Jokes
Love Quotes
Famous Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Funny Quotes
Movie Quotes
Friendship Quotes
Get Found
anime girls
5QS |
|
|
No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
| |
|
|
Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
|
|
|
Archive of funny message alert tones and other funny jokes |
|
Naughty Joke
One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman with a great shape and they went to her apartment she only had one small problem, she had a speech impediment, but this didn't affect their sex. They went at it hot and heavy all night long then in the morning Thor had to leave so he decided he should at least tell her his name, so he said to her, 'I'm Mighty Thor and I have to leave now. ' She looked at him and said, 'You're thore I'm tho thore I can hardly pith. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Dirty Joke
The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards. They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose -- how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could handle the story tactfully. The book appeared. It said, 'Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Pig Joke
What do pigs do on nice afternoons? They go on pignics.
= = = = = = = = = =
Relationships Joke
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on afairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. 'No thank you, ' she saidpolitely. ' 'This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keepingmyself pure until I meet the man I love. ' 'That must be rather difficult, ' the man replied. 'Oh, I don't mind too much, ' she said. 'But, it has my husbandpretty upset. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Comedy Joke
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. 'But, officer, ' the man began, 'I can explain'. 'Just be quiet, ' snapped the officer. 'I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back. ''But, officer, I just wanted to say'. . . 'And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!' A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, 'Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back. ''Don't count on it, ' answered the fellow in the cell. 'I'm the groom!'
= = = = = = = = = =
Joke for Halloween
Joe woke up one morning with an enormous boner and looked for his wife, but she had awakened and was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Joe was afraid he might spoil things by getting up, so he called his little boy and sent this note to his wife:THE TENT POLE IS UP, THE CANVAS IS SPREAD. THE HELL WITH BREAKFAST, COME BACK TO BED. The wife answered the note and sent it back by the boy. It read:TAKE THE TENT POLE DOWN, PUT THE CANVAS AWAY. THE MONKEY HAD A HEMORRHAGE, NO CIRCUS TODAY. So he sent another note down. It read:THE TENT POLE'S STILL UP, AND THE CANVAS STILL SPREAD. SO DROP WHAT YOU'RE DOING, ND COME GIVE ME SOME HEAD. To which she replied:I'M SURE THAT YOUR POLE'STHE BEST IN THE LAND. BUT I'M BUSY RIGHT NOW, SO DO IT BY HAND!!
= = = = = = = = = =
Golf Joke
Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods are playing the 16th hole, when Tiger's tee shot lands behind a huge, 100 foot fir tree. Tiger looks at Arnie and says, 'How would you play this one? Lay up and take the extra stroke?'
Arnold replies: 'When I was your age, I'd just play right over this tree. '
Tiger, not wanting to be shown up by ol' Arnold Palmer, proceeds to hit the ball high, but not high enough. It bounces off the tree and lands out of bounds. Tiger, really ticked at this point, asks Arnold how he EVER hit a ball over that tree.
Arnold replied: 'Well, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall. '
= = = = = = = = = =
Easy to Remember Joke
Great Thinkers of Our Time?Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would liveforever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not liveforever. '-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over theworld, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like thatbut not with all those flies and death and stuff. '-- Mariah Carey'Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the samereactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discoveredother similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are. '-- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22'I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law. '-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes. 'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important partof your life. '-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. '-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime ratesin the country. '-- Former Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D. C. 'We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. '-- Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. Weare the president. '-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents'China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese. '-- Former French President Charles De Gaulle'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it. '-- A congressional candidate in Texas'When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riotsand the killing in L. A. , my answer has been direct and simple: Who isto blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame. '-- Former U. S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots'I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves. '-- John Wayne'Half this game is ninety percent mental. '-- Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. '-- Former U. S. Vice-President Dan Quayle'Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind. '-- General William Westmoreland'It's like changing the rules in the middle of the stream. '-- Rev. Jesse Jackson'I don't know of anyone who wants this to be over more than me, exceptmaybe everyone else in America. '-- President William Jefferson Clinton'What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is. '-- Former U. S. Vice-President Dan Quayle'If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet. '-- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin'I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix. '-- Former U. S. Vice-President Dan QuayleAnd just last year, our boy Dan was quoted as saying that the Republicans would definitely nominate someone this time who would beat Bill Clinton. Of course the 22nd amendment precludes Bill from running again. . .
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
|
| |
|
