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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny medical pictures and other funny jokes |
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Joke Online
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are '4
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Car and train Joke
A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he's all right. 'I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck 'ere. I've hit a pig!' 'Ah well, these things happen sometimes, ' the boss says. 'Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the dark. ' 'But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!' 'Never mind, ' says the boss. 'There's a . 303 under the tarp in the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on home. ' 'Okay, boss. ' Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. 'What's the problem, son?' 'Well, I did what you said boss, but I'm still stuck. ' 'What's up? Did you drag the pig off the road like I said?' 'Yeah boss, but his motorcycle is still jammed under the truck. '
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Yo Mama Joke
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said 'Moving. ' Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush! Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers! Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, 'DING!' Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway. Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk. Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp. Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, 'What ya doin'?' She said, 'Buying luggage. ' Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut. Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
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Dog Joke - 2
Why is a dog so warm in Summer?
He wears a coat and pants.
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Book title Joke
Beginning Magic by Beatrix Star
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Joke for Holidays
If I want it, it's mine. If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine. If I can take it away from you, it's mine. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what. If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
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Men Joke
Age Line17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for the weekend. 66 My second wife is dead.
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Miscellaneous Joke
These 'Weird Reference Questions' are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a 'better idiot' can be invented. 'Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?''Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?' (Actual title: 'Satanic Verses')'I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39. 95. Do you know which one it is?''Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?' hahahaha. . . what a bone head!'Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?' hmmm. . . I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen. . . do you?'I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck. ' (No. . . that's your brain miss-firing. )'I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months. ' (I know. . . how about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)'I need a color photograph of George Washington. ' (Ok. . . hold on. . . I'll check with the caveman. . . )'Is the basement upstairs?' (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk) This one gets the golden stupidity award!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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