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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny love texts and other funny jokes |
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear 'Caution! Wide Turn'
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Stand Up Joke
I was enjoying the second week of a two-week vacation the same way I had enjoyed the first week: by doing as little as possible. I ignored my wife's not-so-subtle hints about completing certain jobs around the house, but I didn't realize how much this bothered her until the clothes dryer refused to work, the iron shorted and the sewing machine motor burned out in the middle of a seam. The final straw came when she plugged in the vacuum cleaner and nothing happened. She looked so stricken that I had to offer some consolation. 'That's okay, honey, ' I said. 'You still have me. ' She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. 'Yes, ' she wailed, 'but you don't work either!'
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Funny Kids Joke
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cow?
Roost Beef.
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Statistics and Math Joke
A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. 'No problem, ' says the mathematician, 'there is a simple equation for that, ' and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, 'What is that symbol?' 'That is the Greek letter pi. ' 'What is pi?' 'That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle. ' Upon this the shoeseller cries out: 'What does a circle have to do with shoes?!'
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Politics Humor
Osama Cave Memo===============Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours, but we've really come together as a group, and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says 'There is no I in team, ' as well as the one that says 'Hang In There, Baby. ' That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns. First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening. Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks. Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together. Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote 'Osama' on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying. Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard. Love you lots. Osama
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Celebrities Joke
What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?The Spice Girls!
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Priceless Joke
A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt. 'Sit down and tell me how it happened, ' said the doctor. 'Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!'Okay, I see. . . But that's one ear - what about the other?'They called again!!'
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E-mail Joke
How do dolphins send messages? By sea-mail.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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