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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny love rhymes and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Humor
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, 'The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die. ' The Frenchman says, 'I take ze sword. ' The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, 'Vive la France!' and runs himself through. The Englishman says, 'a pistol for me please. ' The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, 'God save the queen!' and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, 'Gimme a fork!' The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, 'My God, what are you doing?' And the New Yorker responds, 'So much for your canoe you stupid cannibal!
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Bible Joke
A Jesuit, a Dominican and a Franciscan were walking along an old road, debating the greatness of their orders. Suddenly, an apparition of the Holy Family appeared in front of them, with Jesus in a manger and Mary and Joseph praying over him. The Franciscan fell on his face, over come with awe at the of sight God born in such poverty. The Dominican fell to his knees, Adoring the beautiful reflection of the Trinity and the Holy Family. The Jesuit walked up to Joseph, put his arm around his shoulder, and said, 'So, where ya thinking of sending the kid for school?
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Blonde Joke - 1
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Give her a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say 'hi. '
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Farmer Joke
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, 'You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today. ' The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, 'When do you have time to plough your land? At night?' 'No, ' the young farmer replied seriously, 'Night is when I put the water in the hole. '
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Bumper Stickers - 7
This car is protected by an anti-theft sticker!
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, there is a fly in my wine ! Well you did ask for something with a little body in it!
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Vampire Joke
Who plays center forward for the vampire football team? The ghoulscorer.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Help wanted: Telepathy . . . you know where to apply.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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