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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny license plates and other funny jokes |
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Travel and tourist Joke
Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?
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Computing Joke
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications. She is now noticing that Husband 1. 0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application. Not only that, Husband 1. 0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She's finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2. '4
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Sporting Joke
Deciding to go ice fishing, a drunk gathers his gear and walks around until he finds a large patch of ice. Heading into the center of it, he begins to saw a hole when he suddenly hears a booming voice coming out of the sky, 'You will not find fish under that ice,' the voice says. Looking around and seeing no one, he begins sawing again. Again the voice speaks, 'I said, there are no fish under that ice!' Looking all around and still not seeing anyone, he once more picks up the saw and just as he's about to continue working on the hole the huge voice interrupts, 'This is your third warning. There are no fish under that ice!' Now frightened, he asks the voice, 'How do you know there are no fish? Are you God trying to warn me?' 'No,' the voice replies. 'Well, who are you then?' he asks the voice. 'I am the manager of this hockey rink!'
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School Joke for Kids
The Minnesota Fish and Game Comission wanted to develop a fish that would offer more for their sportsmen so they crossed a Coho with a Walleye and called it a Kowal. It grew to a nice size and reproduced well but it wouldn't bite. They crossed the Kowal with a Muskie and called it a Kowalski but it was so stupid they had to teach it how to swim.
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Elderly People Joke
Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that. Jim looked at Tom and said, 'Did you see that? What in the hell were Nancy & Betty wearing?' 'I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed ironing. '
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Travel and tourist Joke
A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them. 'Not very long, ' answered the Mexican. 'But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?' asked the tourist. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family. The tourist asked, 'So what do you do with the rest of your time?' 'I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, spend time with my wife. . . In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, chase the senioras, and sing a few songs. I have a full life. ' The tourist said, 'I have a M. B. A. from Stanford and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue , you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New Jersey! From there you can direct your huge enterprise. ' 'How long would that take?' asked the Mexican. 'Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years, ' replied the tourist. 'And after that?' asked the Mexican. 'Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting, ' answered the tourist, laughing. 'When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!' 'Millions? Really?' asked the Mexican. 'And after that?' The tourist replied, 'After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village n ear the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, spend time with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!'
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Cat Joke
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
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Kids Fairy Tale Joke
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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