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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny junk games and other funny jokes |
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Insect Joke
Why was the centipede late ? Because he was playing 'This little Piggy' with his baby brother !
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Snake Joke
Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ? Someone else's !
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Joke Online
I'M GLAD I'M A WOMANI'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am. I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam. I don't brag to my buddies about my erections. I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions. I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown. And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down! I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt. My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut. And I don't go around 're-adjusting' my crotch, or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch. I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind. I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind! I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing. I don't have body hair like shag carpeting. It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back. When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack. And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb. I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome. Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side. I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride! And I honestly think its a privilege for me, to have these two boobs and squat when I pee. I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball. I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal. I won't tell you my wife just does not understand, Or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band. Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep, Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep! Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see. Forget all about that old penis envy. I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for a chick. Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick. I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true. I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!
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Business Joke
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, 'I forgot my teeth. ' The man said, 'No problem. ' With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. 'Try these, ' he said. The speaker tried them. 'Too loose, ' he said. The man then said, 'I have another pair. . . try these. ' The speaker tried them and responded, 'Too tight. ' The man was not taken back at all. He then said, 'I have one more paid of false teeth. . . try them. ' The speaker said, 'They fit perfectly. ' With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. 'I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist. ' The man replied, 'I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker. '
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Naughty Joke
A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween, but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her, because she said she had a terrible headache. The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was. She put on a different costume and went to the party. When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume. Now, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test. She danced with him and whispered that they should sneak into a bedroom. She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him. Fuming, she ran home to wait for his return. When he got there, she innocently asked if he'd had fun. He told her he hadn't. After a few minutes at the party, he and some guys had gone across the street to play poker. He added, 'The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!'
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment? A: She can't say 'No'.
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Dumb Joke
Do you know why the Texas Aggies use artificial turf in their footballstadium?It helps stop their cheerleaders from grazing!
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Friendship Joke
Two men are talking. The first sez, 'I got married because I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry and wearing shabby clothes. ' 'Amazing, ' said the second, 'I just got divorced for the very same reasons. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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