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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of funny jokes and pranks and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please ? Pupil: There it is Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia ? Pupil: Fred did !
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Silliest Joke
There was an old man whom, though loved by his son, was being put into an old-folks home because the son could not provide the round-the-clock care the old man required. 'Don't leave me here to die alone here!' the old man said, when the day finally came. 'Now dad, ' said the son, 'we discussed this, and you know its the best thing for you. I'll visit twice a week, and you can always pick up the phone and give me a call. 'So the son left, and the old man was put to bed. He immediately grabbed the phone and called his son. 'You've got to come get me. This is a terrible place; the nurses all ignore me, the food's terrible, and I'm so alone!''Now Dad, I just left you half an hour ago. How can you tell in only 30 minutes what the place is like? Stay there a few more days, and if it's really that bad, we'll have to work something out. 'So the old man hung up, and eventually found his way to sleep. The next morning, the nurse woke him, and began to give him an in-bed sponge bath. Much to the old man's surprise, the attention caused him to become erect, so the nurse sponged his penis, and then gave him one of the best blowjobs of his life. As soon as the nurse left, the old man called his son. 'Son, this is one great place you've found for me! The food's great, the company is excellent, and I've never been happier!''That's great news, Dad, I hoped you'd come to like the place once you'd given it a chance. 'Later that afternoon, the old man was walking through the television room when he tripped and fell. Another resident of the home came over to the old man, lifted up his robe, and buggered him from behind, mercilessly. When the old man got back to his room, he immediately grabbed the phone and called his child, 'Son, Son, you've got to get me out of this place! Right Now!''But Dad, a few hours ago, you thought this was a great place to be, now, I've got to run over there and get you?''Son, you don't understand, I get an erection, maybe, once a year, but I fall down two or three times a day!'
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Bird Joke
What is green and pecks on trees ? Woody Wood Pickle !
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Military Joke
The Captain called the Sergeant in. 'Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me. ' So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. 'Listen up, men, ' says the Sergeant. 'Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander. ' Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. 'Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?' 'Yes, sir, ' answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, 'Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me . This time be more tactful. ' So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. 'Ok, men, fall in and listen up. ' 'Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. ' 'Not so fast, McGrath!'
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Fun Funny Joke
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com, did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. She said unto Abraham, her husband, 'Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?' And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, 'How, Dear?'And Dot replied, 'I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS). 'Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. Dot did say, 'Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others. ' And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known 'eBay' he said, 'we need a name that reflects what we are, ' and Dot replied, 'Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators. ''YAHOO', said Abraham. And that is how it all began, It wasn't Al Gore after all.
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Computer Joke
What's the difference between Windows 95 and a virus? A virus does something.
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Kids School Joke
Whats the world weakest animal?A toad, he croaks if you even touch him!
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Dog Joke - 1
What do you call a black Eskimo dog ? A dusky husky !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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